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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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This happened in school Student:air force sucks Me:sure Student:I'm enlisting in the marines...besides what is the point of the air force in mean every branch has air craft of kind Me:yeah but we look good flying Student:like I said useless marines can fight any were Me:yes......so let me know when your ready to leave?
- air force brat
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A Soldier and Marine were arguing about which branch was better. Eventually, the Marine hollers, "Well, the Marine Corps invented sex." The Soldier think for awhile and retaliates with, "That may be true... But we introduced it to women."
- Army_Strong_1776
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I was ellegible for the marines, but my only problem was that my head couldn't fit in the jar
- Scott
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Why did the navy uniform have buttons in the front of their fly.It was a table cloth for the Army
- Ed
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After a marine and a sailor use a public restroom, only the sailor washes his hands. When the sailor asks the marine "don't they teach you to wash your hands in the Marines after using a public restroom?" The marine answered "don't they teach you not to pee on your hands in the Navy?!"
- John Smith
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A Marine in dress blues was at the White House as part of an honor guard. It was a hot day and was spotted by a roaming cocktail waitress. She noticed him having to stand at attention and sweating but stract as a proud Marine. So she approached him and asks" do you want a drink"? He replies " I don't want a f***ring drink"! She was shocked at his replied but thought he must just be hot and miserable so she asked again. He replied " I don't want a f***ring drink"! She immediately went to The President and told him what the Marine said. The President went to the Commandant of the Marine Corps and asked him what he will do to that foul mouth Marine. The Commandant recommended they stand near the Marine and have the waitress ask again. Sure enough the Marine replied " I don't want a f***ing drink"! What are you going to do about that Commandant? says The President. The Commandant says "f**k him, don't give him a f***ring drink"!
- sgmbilly
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What do you call kids/children in the military? Infantry.
- Avery Kelly
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Generals from the Army, Marines and Air Force and an Admiral of the Navy we discussing which branch was toughest. The Air Force General took the others aboard a bomber and when it reached altitude he commanded an Airman to jump without a Para shoot. "Sir yes Sir!" was his answer. The Airman falls to his death. On the Army Base the General instructs a Private to stand in front of a tank and stop it bare handed. To which he said "Sir yes Sir!" He was run over and killed. On the Marine Base, a Private was instructed to stop the bullets from hitting the targets at the firing range. Again the response was "Sir yes Sir!" You guessed it, he did not make it either. Onboard an Aircraft Carrier, a seaman was instructed to stop an F14 from leaving the deck bare handed. To which he replied "Sir Screw You Sir!" Now THAT'S tough.
- PO1st Peterson
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Why didn't the veteran cross the road because the skeleton was before him and didn't cross p.s the skeleton didn't have any guts
- Sky
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An airforce officer and a army officer enter the head and proceed to use the urinals. The army officer finishes first and starts to leave the latrine when, the airforce officer yells. At the airforce academy they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate. The army officer replys: that's ok, at west point they teach us not to piss on our hands
- Dave Critzer
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This Sergeant worried about everything. Then one day the other Sergeants in his unit heard him whistling happily and looking noticeably relaxed. "What happened?" they asked him in astonishment. He said, "I'm paying a private to do all my worrying for me." "How much do you pay him?' they asked. "Two thousand dollars a week," he replied. "Wow! How can you afford that?" "I can't he said," but that's his worry."
- James Curry
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This story is about a Basic Trainee going to the First Sergeant and saying "You can't keep me in the Army. My right leg is shorter than my left leg"! The First Sergeant said to him," Well, do see that guy at the pump, pumping water into that bucket"? The Trainee said. "Yes"! "Well," replied the First Sergeant. "Go down there and tell him when it is full. Because He is blind"!
- James Curry
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A DI was standing behind a Basic Trainee in ranks. He asked the trainee. "Am I hurting you soldier"? "No Drill Sergeant"! "Well, I should be", yelled the DI. "I am standing on your hair! Get a hair cut!"
- James L. Curry, Sr.
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Two Soldiers' were standing outside an Army Supply Room. When one of them saw a sign posted on the door "Major Items" and said to the other soldier. "I think I knew Major Items when he was a Captain"!
- James L. Curry, Sr.
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An Army basic trainee was standing his first night on guard duty. when he saw a man's shadow coming out of the fog. He Shalts. "Halt who goes there"? "Major Jackson'! A minute or two of salience! "Well Soldier, "Are you going to leave me standing here like this all night"? "Oh No Sir, Parade Rest"!
- James L. Curry, Sr.
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