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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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What do you call a 2nd Lt with pfc's all around him??????????
Lost!!!!!!!!!!
Lost!!!!!!!!!!
- Major Minske
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What do you call a 2nd Lt with pfc's all around him???
LOST!!!!!
LOST!!!!!
- Darryl(Evans)2/159th SJ
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In Iraq they took down all of the walmarts and put in targets!!!!!!!!!!
- Amanda
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STATIONED IN NAM 1968, I WALKED INTO OUR MAKESHIFT LITTLE COFFEE SHOP ONE MORNING AND NOTICED A 2LT OFF TO THE SIDE WITH A BRIEF CASE AT HIS FEET. I WALKED OVER TO HIM AND SAID, SIR,I'M SMSGT HALL,NCOIC OF THIS BRANCH, ARE YOU BEING ASSIGNED HERE? HE REPLIED HE WAS AND ONLY ARRIVED LAST NIGHT. I ASKED IF HE WAS TDY OR PERMANENT PARTY AND HE SAID, ROTC!!!!!
- DAVE HALL
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Two gunnies were sitting next to the rock one picked and threw it to the other. The other one said what you do that for? He said cause your head was in my way
- julie
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A sergeant and his wife return home from an outing to find a burglar ransacking their home. At gun point the burglar tells the sergeant's wife that he was dishonorable discharged and has not money to get home and is going to sell what he can steal to get a bus ticket to get home. However, he tells the sergeant's wife that he has to shoot her because she has seen his face, but before he does he asks her name. She responds by say that her name is Elizabeth. The burglar tells her "I can't shoot you that was my mother's name." The burglar then turns to the Sergeant who has been listening very intently and says "I can shoot you, but before I do I need to know your name." The sergeant who is cowering and scared tells the burglar as sincerely as he can "My name is John but sometimes the call me Elizabeth."
- General Gonzales
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Two Italian Officers taking Jump School at Ft Benning,GA. The two got on a city bus; sat down and engage in a animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignored them at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one last time."
"You foul-mouthed,sex-obsessed swine," retored the lady indignantly, "In this Country....we do not speak aloud in public placea about our sex lives!!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who is talkin' about sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frenda how to spell MISSISSIPPI"
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one last time."
"You foul-mouthed,sex-obsessed swine," retored the lady indignantly, "In this Country....we do not speak aloud in public placea about our sex lives!!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who is talkin' about sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frenda how to spell MISSISSIPPI"
- Joe G Inocencio Msg (Ret)
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Never Ask A Gunny
A Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant got on a flight to Minneapolis. The only seat available was next to a Navy Chaplain.
He sat and the stewardess asked for his drink order. He got a whiskey with a beer chaser, which the stewardess put on his tray.
She then asked the Chaplain if he'd like a drink.
The Chaplain responded, "I'd sooner be seduced by a wanton hussy, than let liquor touch my lips."
The Gunny, looking surprised, handed his drinks back to the stewardess and said, "Here, take these back, I didn't know we had a choice!"
A Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant got on a flight to Minneapolis. The only seat available was next to a Navy Chaplain.
He sat and the stewardess asked for his drink order. He got a whiskey with a beer chaser, which the stewardess put on his tray.
She then asked the Chaplain if he'd like a drink.
The Chaplain responded, "I'd sooner be seduced by a wanton hussy, than let liquor touch my lips."
The Gunny, looking surprised, handed his drinks back to the stewardess and said, "Here, take these back, I didn't know we had a choice!"
- Dave De
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Quite a number of years ago when I was a brand new 2nd LT, I was in the company supply room being issued some field equipment, along with some other items.
I remarked, "It seems as though nothing I pick out of this pile fits!"
While this was going on, our rather "grizzled" 1st SGT came into the room. Having overheard the conversation that I had been having with the supply clerk, he turned to me and said, "LT, in all my years in the service, I have only had 2 things issued to me that fit!"
Like any new 2nd LT eager to learn from the seasoned soldiers, I asked him, "What were they Top?"
He replied in a very serious tone, "Shoe laces and a neck tie."
I remarked, "It seems as though nothing I pick out of this pile fits!"
While this was going on, our rather "grizzled" 1st SGT came into the room. Having overheard the conversation that I had been having with the supply clerk, he turned to me and said, "LT, in all my years in the service, I have only had 2 things issued to me that fit!"
Like any new 2nd LT eager to learn from the seasoned soldiers, I asked him, "What were they Top?"
He replied in a very serious tone, "Shoe laces and a neck tie."
- Artie
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What do you call 32 Iraqi women in a room?
A. a set of teeth.
A. a set of teeth.
- EC
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How do you stop an Iraqi tank?
Shoot the camels pulling it.
Shoot the camels pulling it.
- Josh K
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A marine was driving along on a first date. The young lady riding with him asked? What is the best thing you have learned in the military? He immediately pulled over unzipped his pants and said at attention marine. His little marine stood straight up. Then he said at ease marine. His little marine went down. The young lady giggled with glee and said could you do that again? So he said at attention marine and his little marine stood straight up. He then said at ease marine but nothing happened. He got out went to the back of the car then came back a moment latter. He then said at ease marine and his little marine went down. The young lady said that was great, but why did you go to the back of the car? He said I am afraid I had to give him a dishonorable discharge.
- robcolsman@hotmail.com
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why do the Army send three men out on patrol.... one to read the map and two to guard the intellectual
- max
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A new Protastant Navy Preacher was giving a serman on teperance to mostly Marines. He stood up and said all of you who like beer I'm going to take it all and throw it in the river. He said this about wine and spirits, alchol, and abrubtly sat down.
The gunny who was directing the music calmly steped to the pulpet and said, Please turn in your hymn books to number 114 and rise while we sing Shall We Gather At the River
The gunny who was directing the music calmly steped to the pulpet and said, Please turn in your hymn books to number 114 and rise while we sing Shall We Gather At the River
- Leroy Rothamel
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How do you break up an iraqi bingo game? call b-52
- anonymous
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