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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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Two men walk into the restroom, one enlisted and the other an officer. After doing their business, the officer heads to the sink to wash his hands. At the same time, the enlisted man heads towards the exit. The officer says to the enlisted man, "Young man, in OCS they taught us to wash our hands after using the restroom." The enlisted man says back to the officer, "Oh yeah? Well in boot camp, they taught us not to piss on our hands!"
- Robin Burgess
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An old First Sargeant is fully frisky so he rushes home to his wife. He tells her, "honey...my soldier is standing at attention and needs some help!". She replies "I don't see a soldier..just a disabled veteran with two lumpy duffle bags!!" "and he surely does need help!". LOL
- Raul Contreras Sr.
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What has an IQ of 150?
The entire 5th Marines without their
Corpsmen!!!
- Doc Dunn
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What do you call a Marine who can read,write,walk & talk at the same time?
Colonel!!!
- Doc Dunn
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What do you call a Marine that can read & write?
Sir!!!
- Doc Dunn
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A Marine Sgt. and his girl friend a Marine BAM. Was riding down the road on a cold winter night and ran over a mother skunk, which had 3 babys. The bam said "stop and pick up the babys,it's very cold out there." "OK," said the Sgt. "you can put them between your legs to keep them warm,"
The bam said, "but that stinks", Sgt. said "its all right they are used to the smell anyway.
- Leo Mandeville
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There was a retired naval officer who decided to get a civilian job. After being constantly late on the job, the boss called him into his office and berated him for always
being late.
What did they tell you when you were late in the navy?? GOOD MORNING ADMIRAL...
- BILL TUTHILL
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during ww1 there were no communications gadgets yet, so to sent a message a runner was used. during this time a capt. sent a message to the rear , saying "send us reinforcements were are going to advance" since this message was relayed via five runners, and when it finally reached the CO, the message was repeated like this "send us refreshments we are going to a dance"
- BillBrogley
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When I came home from Navy boot camp, and my brother met me at the train station wearing his army uniform. We always argued about which uniform was the best looking, when an event occoured to stop all future arguments. We were waiting to cross the street when two girls pulled up at the light. "Oh,look!" one exclaimed, "A sailor!" I've never let him forget that line.
- PFC Dunnagan
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(Im in the ARMY and this is a joke kind of against the Marine corps...SORRY...)
A company of Marines was marching through a jungle when they got to a hill. At the top of the hill stood a lone Army Ranger.
Upon seeing the marines the Ranger yelled down, 'HEY I bet i can take ALL OF YOU!!'
The Capt of the USMC CO laughed and sent 2 of his best corporals up the hill to bring the ranger down.
As they neared the top of the hill, the ranger disappeared down the other side of the hill, they followed.
3 minutes later, the 2 corporals returned exhausted, and collapsed.
The CAPT was then a little pissed so he sent 5 SGTs. They too went up the hill, down the other side and disappeared. They returned 20 mins later, also exhausted, one SGT DID have enough energy to say 'Sir, he tricked us there's -" and then he collapsed.
The CAPT was then FURIOUS, so he sent the rest of his company over the hill.
After an Hour all of his Marines returned exhausted. The last one to return, before he collapsed said, " Sir, he tricked us...there's 2 of them."
- Smitty
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Three ladies were talking. One says she got stung by a honey bee and her whole hand swelled up. 2nd lady says she got stung by a bumble bee and her whole arm swole up. 3rd says thats nothing, I once got stung by a Seabee and my whole belly swole up.
- teggy55
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A newly appointed 2LT and a senior NCO are in the restroom taking a pee. Both get done at the same time.
The 2nd LT stops at the sink to wash his hands while the Senior NCO heads to the door.
The 2nd LT is quite upset and says, "Excuse me Sergeant, but in ROTC they taught me to wash your hands after using the bathroom."
The Senior NCO replies, "You are correct sir but at the NCO Academy we were taught how to not pee on our hands."
- Bob
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A private walks outside to take a smoke and sees a young boy playing on the sidewalk with a pile of dog crap. Politely, he asked the boy "son, what are you doing playing with that dog crap?"
The boy responded: "I'm building and NCO, private!"
The private chuckled to himself and then went and got the SGM. "SGM you've got to see this. Ask the boy what he's doing." SGM went to the boy and asked "young man, what are you doing?"
The boy said: "I'm building an NCO SGM!"
SGM laughed and said "the chief's gotta see this." Then went and got the CW4. "Ask that boy what he's doing, chief."
The chief walked out and asked the little boy "hey there young man, what are you doing playing with that dog crap?" To which the young man replied: "I'm building and NCO, sir!"
Chief then asked "why aren't you building a warrant officer?" The boy quickly replied "Not enough shit!"
- Arizmendi,S Sgt/usmc 1/5
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Some college graduates were extolling the virtues of their respective schools. The West Point grad said simply,"MY school hires ALL its graduates. Would yours?"
- E. David Sierra
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A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game,
took it upon himself to explain to an old veteran sitting next to him why
it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the
student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.
"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space
travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have
nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, BPS,
light-speed processing .... and," pausing to take another drink of beer....
The old vet took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said,
"You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young, .. so we
invented them. Now, you arrogant little twit, what are you doing for the
next generation?"
The applause was deafening.
Don't you just love old vets...?
- Stan Hadden
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