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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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The Marines are looking for a few good men, The FBI are looking for the rest.
- gary
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An old, blind soldier wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels ..
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, G I, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. Im a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Soldier, Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind dogface thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, No .... not if Im gonna have to explain it five times
- Billy Bingham
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A reporter doing research on LONGEVITY, stopped at an old soldiers home. He saw an old vet sitting on a bench and asked him, Sir how old are you? Im 99 yrs. old. Wow said the reporter, and what do you attribute your old age too? Well, replied the old vet, I dont smoke, I dont drink, I dont stay out all late at nights and I dont do women. Well you seemed to have led a clean life, long live said the reporter. Down the row a bit sat another vet,. He looked even older than the 99 yrs. old he had just interviewed. And you sir, what do you attribute your old age too? I smoke, I drink, I stay out late at nights, and I do women. Hmm, sounds reasonable. How old are you? t-h-I-r-t-y n-I-n-e, says the vet.
- Rod HK
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Two B52 tail gunners walk out of a bar,yeah I know but it could happen.
- PDBURNS
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Two Navy Men were fishing on lake on Sunday . One says:I FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT GOING TO CHURCH , TODAY ! Other one says I DONT , BECAUSE MY WIFE IS REAL SICK AND I COULDNT HAVE GONE , ANYHOW !
- Bruce FORSYTH
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True story...
I and a marine were discussing which service was better, Navy or Marine. Someone walked by and said we ought to get along as we were essentially the same service. My.marine buddy said we get along great, like brothers and sisters, to.which I responded that we were just arguing over who was the brother, and who was the sister.
- jack
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What do you call someone who gets ran over by a tank?
A: a crunchy
- Chris
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U.S.M.C. = Uncle Sams Misguided Children
- Chuck
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Several junior Marine officers were having a vigorous discussion about whether sex was fun or work. They were at an standstill and one of the officers observed a Private emptying office trash cans and said to his fellow officers: Lets get the Privates opinion. Hey Private, is sex fun or work?
Sir! Sex is fun, if it was work the officers would have the enlisted doing it!
- Doc
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The Marines pronounce their motto wrong. It isnt Semper Fi, because they are so fat, its really Shrimp and Fries.
- norm oleesky
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While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s. As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place... Tower: Sir, do you need any assistance? Cobra: I dont know Tower, we aint done crashin yet.
- Bill Murray
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At the beginning of the Army-Navy football game, the coin toss in made. The Navy captain shouts, HEADS followed by the Army captain shouting LATRINES.
- Ken
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The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don?t speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase ?secure the building?.
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
- SK Bright
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A sailor and a marine are walking down the street. They see a kid playing with a ball of shit. The sailor says kid what are making? the kind says a sailor. The sailor says why arent you making a marine, the kid says DONT HAVE ENOUGH SHIT
- OMCS Schmidt
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The Master Chief Petty Officer and the Master Gunnery Sergeant
Two old friends, one a Marine and one a Sailor meet in a bar one day (I know it may be hard to imagine either a Sailor or a Marine being in a bar ? but hear the tale). They began to discuss which of them had had the more difficult and dangerous 30 year career.
The retired Marine Master Gunnery Sergeant begins:
?I graduated from High School, the next morning I was on the train for Parris Island, South Carolina. Following Boot Camp I found myself in a Regiment assigned to the Iwo Jima assault. With my fellow Marines we fought our way to the top of Mount Suribachi.
?In Korea I was with ?Chesty? Puller at Inchon, then we fought our way toward the Yalu River. In the cold Korean winter we fought at the Battle of Chosin Reservoir,
?I ended my career after Viet Nam where I spent 3 months in the Battle of Khe Sanh after stomping through endless rice paddies.?
The Navy Master Chief looked him in the eye and took a long draw on his bottle of beer and said simply:
?Well, it figures, all shore duty?.
- Rok2
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