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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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Why do Marines call their blade a K-Bar? Because they cant spell Ka-nife k-nife
- Tsgt USAF67
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Two airmen from NY were at the golf course near Lackland and were waiting to tee off. They started talking about being back in texas one said to the other only 2 thing come from Texas Football Players & Hookers. A full bird was standing right behind them and over heard what was said. He tapped the airmen on the back and said "My wife is from Texas".
Without blinking an eye The Airman said... "And what postion does she play!"
- Phil Cole
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A Marine was on Ebay and paid 50 dollars for a Penis Enlarger, they sent him a magnifying glass and said don't use it in the sun.
- Phil Cole
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The Best Marine Is A Submarine
- Unknown
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The Lt. Commander was in the dastardly position for a procto exam. He heard the snapping of the latex gloves, then the sklick the vaseline tube makes when the slippery stuff goes on the glove.
Then the dreaded proceedure was over.
The doctor recommends, because the prostate is unusually swollen,and needs further attention,a biopsy.
The Lt. Commander is visably shaken,and asks if he could get a second oppinion? The Dr. says sure why not? He instructed the L.C. to bend over the exam couch, and shoved 2 fingers up there.
I wonder if L.C. wanted a third opinion
- Don Butler
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A retired Admiral, to get into better shape, decided to walk 5 miles a day, when he turned 65. Now hes 97 and we don't know where the hell he is!
- Don Butler
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After a wild nite of sex, she says will you still service me like that after marriage?
The BM1 says sure will dear, if your husband doesnt object....
- Don Butler
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The printer was late and the harried Airman was running back & forth from his van into the ritzy hotel bringing in the last of the set up for a Civilian sponsored formal celebration of Veterans Day. He was under an overhang so he was not wearing his hat, and in his haste, ignoring those who were just beginning to arrive. Then a Butter Bar in his new mess dress with his 2 shiny medals, and a stunning date, approached the entrance as the airman ran back to his van for another box, not noticing the young couple. As the Airman grabbed another box, he rushed past the 2nd Lieutenant with his impressionable date on his arm who called out, Excuse me Airman, but dont we salute Officers in the Air Force ?. The haggard Airman replied yes Sir, and promptly dropped his box, came to attention and saluted the young officer, who turned and smiled to his date and then said, and so that you dont forget, youll salute 100 times, and I will count them all. The Butter Bar stood there, arms akimbo, counting away with his embarrassed date by his side, not realizing the Commands Lieutenant General had arrived, witnessing the whole affair. The Commanding General, in his uniformed splendor of 30+ years of service stepped up behind the Lieutenant and quietly said, in my Air Force we return salutes... and Ill count !
true story
The General stopped at about 18 ...
- Gina
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A pickle, a cucumber & a penis were talking about life. The cucumber said
when i get big & hard they chop me up & toss me in a salad. The pickle said
when i get big & hard they chop me & drown me in vinegar. The penis said
that is nothing compared to what im going through, when i get big & hard
they put a plastic bag over my head & put me in a dark damp cave & bang my
head against the walls until i throw up and faint
- Dr. John Knoles
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A soldier goes over the hill, rounds a corner and runs smack into the arms of an officer.
Where do you think youre going,son?, asks the officer.
Im sorry, Captain: the firefight was so heavy, I just went AWOL. What do you mean Captain? Im a General!
Wow! says the soldier.I didnt realize Id run THAT far back.
- john
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ARMY= Aint Ready to be a Marine Yet
- john
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ARMY= aint ready to be a marine yet
- 1
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Why do they have Marines aboard naval ships? So that the sailors have someone to dance with.
- Cathye Graham
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Why does the Navy use powdered soap?
It takes longer to pick up!
- PFC GARNER
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out to eat one night a soldier and a marine meet in a bathroom after using the latrine the soldier went to the sink looked at himself and started out the door when the marine says In the MARINES they taught us to wash our hands the soldier replied In the ARMY they taught us not to piss on our hands
- Steve Swartz
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