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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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A retired Admiral, to get into better shape, decided to walk 5 miles a day, when he turned 65. Now hes 97 and we don't know where the hell he is!
- Don Butler
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After a wild nite of sex, she says will you still service me like that after marriage?
The BM1 says sure will dear, if your husband doesnt object....
- Don Butler
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The printer was late and the harried Airman was running back & forth from his van into the ritzy hotel bringing in the last of the set up for a Civilian sponsored formal celebration of Veterans Day. He was under an overhang so he was not wearing his hat, and in his haste, ignoring those who were just beginning to arrive. Then a Butter Bar in his new mess dress with his 2 shiny medals, and a stunning date, approached the entrance as the airman ran back to his van for another box, not noticing the young couple. As the Airman grabbed another box, he rushed past the 2nd Lieutenant with his impressionable date on his arm who called out, Excuse me Airman, but dont we salute Officers in the Air Force ?. The haggard Airman replied yes Sir, and promptly dropped his box, came to attention and saluted the young officer, who turned and smiled to his date and then said, and so that you dont forget, youll salute 100 times, and I will count them all. The Butter Bar stood there, arms akimbo, counting away with his embarrassed date by his side, not realizing the Commands Lieutenant General had arrived, witnessing the whole affair. The Commanding General, in his uniformed splendor of 30+ years of service stepped up behind the Lieutenant and quietly said, in my Air Force we return salutes... and Ill count !
true story
The General stopped at about 18 ...
- Gina
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A pickle, a cucumber & a penis were talking about life. The cucumber said
when i get big & hard they chop me up & toss me in a salad. The pickle said
when i get big & hard they chop me & drown me in vinegar. The penis said
that is nothing compared to what im going through, when i get big & hard
they put a plastic bag over my head & put me in a dark damp cave & bang my
head against the walls until i throw up and faint
- Dr. John Knoles
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A soldier goes over the hill, rounds a corner and runs smack into the arms of an officer.
Where do you think youre going,son?, asks the officer.
Im sorry, Captain: the firefight was so heavy, I just went AWOL. What do you mean Captain? Im a General!
Wow! says the soldier.I didnt realize Id run THAT far back.
- john
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ARMY= Aint Ready to be a Marine Yet
- john
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ARMY= aint ready to be a marine yet
- 1
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Why do they have Marines aboard naval ships? So that the sailors have someone to dance with.
- Cathye Graham
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Why does the Navy use powdered soap?
It takes longer to pick up!
- PFC GARNER
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out to eat one night a soldier and a marine meet in a bathroom after using the latrine the soldier went to the sink looked at himself and started out the door when the marine says In the MARINES they taught us to wash our hands the soldier replied In the ARMY they taught us not to piss on our hands
- Steve Swartz
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Is Sex Work?
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel
decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he
failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was work and how much of
it was pleasure?
A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
ACaptain said it was 50-50%.
A Lieutenantresponded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure,depending upon
his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonelturned to the PFC who was in
charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion?
Withoutany hesitation, the young PFC responded, Sir, ithas to be 100%
pleasure.
The colonelwas surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me
doing it for them.
The room fell silent.
- Diwee
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I spent 4 yrs in the AF and 24 in the Army Infantry. My son was a sailor and I asked him Why does the Navy wear those Blues with all the buttons on the pants? He said that was a Marine Table Cloth!!!
- Don Butler
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A marine sergeant major and his wife were living in a house off the marine headquarters,where he was on duty.
She had lost her interest in sex,so she went to the doctor to see if he could help her.
The doctor prescribed a pill just for the problem.He gave her a dozen free samples also.
When she got home she took two pills, and dropped the pill bottle as she was putting it in the medicine cabinet. It shattered on the tile floor.She picked up the mess. Then she took an aspirin bottle from the medicine cabinet. There was one tablet in it,which see threw away,and put the rest of her sex pills into the aspirin bottle,and put it in the medicine cabinet.
A half hour later, she was stretched out on the couch when when the sgt major came in from headquarters.
He said, he had a rough day.He went upstairs to the john and to change intocivies. While he was in the john he decided to take a couple of aspirin,then he took a couple more so they would work much faster on his headache.
He went into the bedroom to change clothes.He stripped down.
All of a sudden a strong urge for sex came over him.In his birthday suit he headed downstairs.When he was half way down,he heard his wife say,from the couch,I could use a MAN with a big weapon,for some hot, uninhibited, wild sex
looking at her over the bannister he said,in a desperate voice,
MEEE TOOO !!!
- Don Butler
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what does MARINES stand for? My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment Sir.
- Don Butler
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The old sergeant, tired of a listless sex life,he asked his wife how come you never tell me when you have had an orgasm?
She glanced at him and said YOUR NEVER HOME!!!
- Matt
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