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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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A Swabby was sitting at the bar in an Irish pub in Boston.A Soldier
came in and sat next to him just as he ordered a beer from Patty the bartend. When Patty brought him
the beer the soldier says Ive got that,and give me the same.
The soldier says by your accent, I see your from the old countryfrom now on N./=swabby+ A./=soldier.how long have you been over? N./ 10 years. A./ well Ill be,Ive been over 10 years too!A./Where did you hail from? N./Dublin.A./Geez, I come from Dublin meself.A./But what part?N./James ST. hill.A./Holy crap,I comefrom The HillA./What school? N./ Saint Marys.A./ Dam, I went there too!A./ Ya, but what church?N./Saint Brigids.A./HOLY GHOST!! I went there too.
Just then a customer comes in and says Ill have my regular Patty. Patty places draft in front of him.He takes a long swig and saysso Patty whats new? Well...its the same old bullshit,except,as he gestured toward the Swab. and the soldier he said The Omally twins are drunk again.
- Don Butler
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Why does the navy allow sailors to grow a beard?
Answer- Cause Marines get lonely aboard ship.
- kim potaczala
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A U.S.M.C. Colonel and a U.S.A.F A1C are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The U.S.M.C. Colonel is thinking that U.S.A.F A1C are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.
So the U.S.M.C. Colonel asks if the U.S.A.F A1C would like to play a fun game.
The U.S.A.F A1C is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The U.S.M.C. Colonel persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you dont know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I dont know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.
This catches the U.S.A.F A1Cs attention and, to keep the U.S.M.C. Colonel quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The U.S.M.C. Colonel asks the first question. Whats the distance from the Earth to the Moon?
The U.S.A.F A1C doesnt say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the U.S.M.C. Colonel.
Now its the U.S.A.F A1Cs turn. He asks the U.S.M.C. Colonel, What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?
The U.S.M.C. Colonel uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the Net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the U.S.A.F A1C and hands him $500. The U.S.A.F A1C pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The U.S.M.C. Colonel is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the U.S.A.F A1C up and asks, Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?
The U.S.A.F A1C reaches into his pocket, hands the U.S.M.C. Colonel $5, and goes back to sleep.
- bbhnskr
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There was this Ranger that had a broken tooth. He went to the DDM and told the Dr. he had a broken tooth and he wanted it taken out. The Dr. looked at it and said this is going to take a lot of pain meds.
The Ranger said you do not need it to give me that as I have only been hurt twice in is life. So the Dr. started pulling the tooth and it was very hard to get out and when he got through he asked the Ranger if that hurt.
The Ranger said again....I have only been hurt twice in my life, the Dr. asked what were the two times ??
The Ranger replied I was on a patrol and had to take a crap so I went behind a tree droped my pants, bent down and my balls fell in a bear trap!
The Dr said my goodness that had to hurt so what was the second time???? The Ranger said....when I ran out of chain!
- Mike
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This is a true story, I was walking through the compound and I had my 12 gauge with me,I was fixing to go on a S&D. A new butter bar asked me if I had a plug in my gun. I told him that there was no limit on the amount of NVA and VC I could shoot. He looked at me and walked away. Plug a 12 gauge?? in Viet Nam??? I thought that was a hoot.
- Lucy
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Why did God give the Marine 2 brain cells more than he gave the horse? So the Marine wouldnt Poop in the Parade!
- Walter Bedlien (Santa Eddie)
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The Marine Corps is looking for a few good men, they found them---Navy Corpsmen
- Roger Stewart
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Q,what do they call the goats Iranians take home
A,War Brides
- SPC Greer
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You know what MARINE Stands for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.
How about USARMY?
Uncle Sam Aint Released Me Yet
Or backwards
Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up.
- CDR Sianat Q . Kamal
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When does an Air Force officer need a hair cut? Never, they get it before its needed!
- Tom Turner
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A Sailor was having a drink at the bar. A Marine walks in and orders a shot of whiskey, drinks it down, grabs the sailor and whips him all over the bar. He then drags the sailor up to the bar, and tells the barkeep,When he comes to tell him,That was Karate from Korea. The sailor comes to, climbs back up on the bar stool. The barkeep tells him what the Marine said. After several minutes the Marine comes back in, orders a shot, drinks it, and whips the sailor again. This time the Marine tells the barkeep, When he comes to tell him that was Jujitsu from Japan. The sailor comes to, gets back on the stool and the barkeep tells him what the Marine said. The sailor starts another drink when the marine comes back in and orders another shot. Before the marine drinks it, the sailor says, Wait just a minute, come outside with me. A few minutes later the sailor comes back in the bar dragging the bloody marine, and throws him up against the bar, he then lays a crowbar on the bar and tells the barkeep, If he comes to tell him thats a crowbar from Sears
- GT
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Why does the Navy wear bell bottoms?
When they meet up with a Marine, they can pi#s down their leg and not get any in their shoes.
- Don Butler
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THE ARMED SERVICES COMBINED HEAVYWEIGHT WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP The reigning champ, a marine sergeant has been champ for all the eightyears he has served. Thats because he has the PRETZEL HOLD. The weapon,once administered no one ever escaped from. His challenger is a NAVY 3rd class petty officer. After the introductions his coach says now dont let him get the pretzel hold on you, remember no one has EVER broken away from it. the p.o. says I wont let him I promise. The match begins, the p.o. is doing a great job on the marine. Then BING - BANG -WHIP - ZIP- Before he could react he was in the devistating PRETZEL HOLD,his shoulders were pinned as the referee counted--one--two there was an agonizing,piercing scream. The two combatants suddenly flew up over the ring about 8 feet into the air with the NAVY landing on top of the marine pinning him. The referee counted --one---two---three-- The petty officer went spazo running, jumping, doing back flips. The coach finally calmed him down enough to ask him how the hell did you do it? I thought you were going to be counted out and all hell broke loose.He says coach I heared the ref. counting-I looked up and saw a pair of BALLS so I bit them..he said coach you dont know what strength youve got until you Bite YOURSELF in the BALLS!!!!
- Don Butler
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I was on the serving line at mess 27 mcrd cooking up eggs when the next marine in line was a very pretty stacked BAM.
I asked how she wanted her eggs and she replied that she wanted only the whites. Trying to be smooth I asked her how she wanted them.
She replied hard.
I asked her how hard and she shoved her hand in my pocket and said ...about that hard.
- jay
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100 men go on a navy ship and fifty couples come off.
- Les Behrends
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