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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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There was this Ranger that had a broken tooth. He went to the DDM and told the Dr. he had a broken tooth and he wanted it taken out. The Dr. looked at it and said this is going to take a lot of pain meds.
The Ranger said you do not need it to give me that as I have only been hurt twice in is life. So the Dr. started pulling the tooth and it was very hard to get out and when he got through he asked the Ranger if that hurt.
The Ranger said again....I have only been hurt twice in my life, the Dr. asked what were the two times ??
The Ranger replied I was on a patrol and had to take a crap so I went behind a tree droped my pants, bent down and my balls fell in a bear trap!
The Dr said my goodness that had to hurt so what was the second time???? The Ranger said....when I ran out of chain!
- Mike
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This is a true story, I was walking through the compound and I had my 12 gauge with me,I was fixing to go on a S&D. A new butter bar asked me if I had a plug in my gun. I told him that there was no limit on the amount of NVA and VC I could shoot. He looked at me and walked away. Plug a 12 gauge?? in Viet Nam??? I thought that was a hoot.
- Lucy
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Why did God give the Marine 2 brain cells more than he gave the horse? So the Marine wouldnt Poop in the Parade!
- Walter Bedlien (Santa Eddie)
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The Marine Corps is looking for a few good men, they found them---Navy Corpsmen
- Roger Stewart
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Q,what do they call the goats Iranians take home
A,War Brides
- SPC Greer
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You know what MARINE Stands for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.
How about USARMY?
Uncle Sam Aint Released Me Yet
Or backwards
Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up.
- CDR Sianat Q . Kamal
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When does an Air Force officer need a hair cut? Never, they get it before its needed!
- Tom Turner
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A Sailor was having a drink at the bar. A Marine walks in and orders a shot of whiskey, drinks it down, grabs the sailor and whips him all over the bar. He then drags the sailor up to the bar, and tells the barkeep,When he comes to tell him,That was Karate from Korea. The sailor comes to, climbs back up on the bar stool. The barkeep tells him what the Marine said. After several minutes the Marine comes back in, orders a shot, drinks it, and whips the sailor again. This time the Marine tells the barkeep, When he comes to tell him that was Jujitsu from Japan. The sailor comes to, gets back on the stool and the barkeep tells him what the Marine said. The sailor starts another drink when the marine comes back in and orders another shot. Before the marine drinks it, the sailor says, Wait just a minute, come outside with me. A few minutes later the sailor comes back in the bar dragging the bloody marine, and throws him up against the bar, he then lays a crowbar on the bar and tells the barkeep, If he comes to tell him thats a crowbar from Sears
- GT
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Why does the Navy wear bell bottoms?
When they meet up with a Marine, they can pi#s down their leg and not get any in their shoes.
- Don Butler
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THE ARMED SERVICES COMBINED HEAVYWEIGHT WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP The reigning champ, a marine sergeant has been champ for all the eightyears he has served. Thats because he has the PRETZEL HOLD. The weapon,once administered no one ever escaped from. His challenger is a NAVY 3rd class petty officer. After the introductions his coach says now dont let him get the pretzel hold on you, remember no one has EVER broken away from it. the p.o. says I wont let him I promise. The match begins, the p.o. is doing a great job on the marine. Then BING - BANG -WHIP - ZIP- Before he could react he was in the devistating PRETZEL HOLD,his shoulders were pinned as the referee counted--one--two there was an agonizing,piercing scream. The two combatants suddenly flew up over the ring about 8 feet into the air with the NAVY landing on top of the marine pinning him. The referee counted --one---two---three-- The petty officer went spazo running, jumping, doing back flips. The coach finally calmed him down enough to ask him how the hell did you do it? I thought you were going to be counted out and all hell broke loose.He says coach I heared the ref. counting-I looked up and saw a pair of BALLS so I bit them..he said coach you dont know what strength youve got until you Bite YOURSELF in the BALLS!!!!
- Don Butler
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I was on the serving line at mess 27 mcrd cooking up eggs when the next marine in line was a very pretty stacked BAM.
I asked how she wanted her eggs and she replied that she wanted only the whites. Trying to be smooth I asked her how she wanted them.
She replied hard.
I asked her how hard and she shoved her hand in my pocket and said ...about that hard.
- jay
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100 men go on a navy ship and fifty couples come off.
- Les Behrends
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Yup, The U.S.M.C. is part of the Department of the Navy. THE MENS DEPARTMENT.
- J. LaBarge Bryan
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There was a Soldier, and a Sailor at the same bar drinking. The soldier goes into the restroom and takes a leak. Right before he walks out the sailor walks in.
The sailor noticed the soldier didnt wash his hands. The sailor then asked the soldier...
What, did they not teach you to wash your hands in the Army?
The soldier replied. No they taught me not to piss on my hands.
- LC
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Why does the Navy have Marines on their boats?
Because the sheep are too obvious
- 0
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