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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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A Marine, Soldier and Sailor were watching new Airmen recruits marching in formation. The all came to the conclusion that that was the most sex those boys would ever get. They were walking abreast.
- Sgt Blanchard
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Some of my dearest friends are former Marines and I enjoy telling them this one.... What does MARINE stand for? My Ass Really Is Navy Equipment!
Seriously - God Bless all of you...Including Our Marines :)
- Davina
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The Marine's advertise that they are looking for a few good "MEN", but sorry to say the Navy already has them.
- woody
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The three most dangerous things in the Army.
1. 2nd Lt. That says, "It's been my experirnce....."
2. A Pvt. That says, "I understand...."
3. An Old MSGT That says, "Watch this shit........."
- John McRae
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I was a police officer and my partner and I arrested an teenager for underage drinking. He fought us and was entirely unruly, so we took him to the local Magistrate. At his office we told him how much trouble the boy had been but the Magistrate decided to release him to his parents instead of taking him to jail. While dialing his parents, the teen looked at the wall, saw his Honorable discharge from the Navy and asked the Magistrate if it was true all Navy people were gay. We got to take the boy to jail after all.
- Edwin A. Halderman, SSgt. USMC (med
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One summer afternoon a particularly pious Priest was taking a stroll. He came upon a young man about 12 years old. The boy was standing on the corner and he had a small bottle in his hand which he kept tossing up and catching it. The priest said hello and asked the boy: "What do you have there?" The boy responded: "Well Father, I got the most powerful stuff in the world" "How's that?" asked the priest. "Well Father this is Nitro Glycerin." The priest became alarmed and was trying to think of a way to retrieve this dangerous chemical. Finally, he says to the boy - "That's not the most powerful stuff in the world." He reached into his coat pocket and drew out a bottle of Holy Water. Then he said, "This is the most powerful stuff in the world. Why just yesterday, I rubbed some on a woman's tummy and she passed a baby." The boy looked at him and grinned, "Oh yeah? well this morning I rubbed a little bit of this on a cat's ass and he passed a motorcycle."
- Victor Ortiz
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There were these two Gays waiting for the boat to take them across the river to Staten Island from the lower Manhattan. As the boat was approching, one asked the other,say what the hell is that? The other answered, that`s a Ferry Boat. The one that asked the question reply, WAO, I knew we were liberated but I didn` know we had our own Navy
- fossillsd37
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two marines were walking down the street,when one of them spied a dog licking himself.one said to the other-i wish i could do that-no you dont,he might bite!
- Grunt
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Does any one know what ARMY stands for?Aren't Really MARINES Yet!!!!So SORRY Army.
- anonymous
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How do you spell out the word Marine?
Muscles are required intelligence not essential
- Al Boisselle
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A soldier is walking down the beach and soon came upon a bottle with a cap on it. The Soldier picks up the bottle, removes the cap, and a genie wafts out of the bottle. The genie tells the soldier, "you let me out of the bottle, so now I'll grant you 3 wishes..." The soldier can't believe what he's hearing, but tells the genie "I think I'd like a top notch Lager..." instantly another bottle appears on the beach, so the soldier picks it up and takes a sip, it's one of the best beers he's ever tasted. When he finishes it, the bottle instantly refills and the soldier drinks it again. Again the bottle fills up. The soldier asks, what is this? The Genie say's " It's a never ending bottle. You can drink from it all your life and it will never go empty." The Genie say's "What would you like next." The Soldier say's " Golly...I'll take two more of these!"
- john baker
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At MCAS El Toro, Ca. a Staff Sergeant of an avionics shop had to maintain a strict tool control. So one day a pair of diagonal cutter pliers were missing. Diagonal cutters are referred to as a pair dikes as a nick name. The Staff Sergeant said to his troops that no one is going home until the pair of dikes are found. After additional 8 hours of a massive search no one could find the dikes. As the third shift marines arrived for duty two of them were women marines and just as the women marines entered the shop a corporal after seeing the diagonal cutters setting in a trash can stood up and in a loud military manor voice said, "?All right Staff Sergeant I have found the pair of dikes, can we go home now??"
- Dave Reason US Army Ret.
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An ensign was standing in line behind a sailor at a vending machine. The ensign asked the sailor if he had change for a dollar. Reaching into his pocket, the sailor replied, "Sure." The ensign said, "Sailor, don't you mean yes, sir? Let's try this again. Do you have change for a dollar?" The sailor replied, "No, sir!"
- Retired Army
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A newly commissioned officer with a cigarette dangling from his lips asked aloud,"anybody got a light?:"
An NCO said "I got you covered buddy."
"Buddy?" said the officer. "Don't you see this bar on my uniform. Let's try this again. DO YOU HAVE A LIGHT?."
The NCO snapped to attention and replied.
"SIR, No Sir."
- Martin
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How many gears does a navy tank have? 5 - 4 reverse & 1 Forward. The forward is incase they get hit from the rear.
- morris rogers/Sgt. {retired}
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