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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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An airforce officer and a army officer enter the head and proceed to use the urinals. The army officer finishes first and starts to leave the latrine when, the airforce officer yells. At the airforce academy they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate. The army officer replys: that's ok, at west point they teach us not to piss on our hands
- Dave Critzer
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This Sergeant worried about everything. Then one day the other Sergeants in his unit heard him whistling happily and looking noticeably relaxed. "What happened?" they asked him in astonishment. He said, "I'm paying a private to do all my worrying for me." "How much do you pay him?' they asked. "Two thousand dollars a week," he replied. "Wow! How can you afford that?" "I can't he said," but that's his worry."
- James Curry
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This story is about a Basic Trainee going to the First Sergeant and saying "You can't keep me in the Army. My right leg is shorter than my left leg"! The First Sergeant said to him," Well, do see that guy at the pump, pumping water into that bucket"? The Trainee said. "Yes"! "Well," replied the First Sergeant. "Go down there and tell him when it is full. Because He is blind"!
- James Curry
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A DI was standing behind a Basic Trainee in ranks. He asked the trainee. "Am I hurting you soldier"? "No Drill Sergeant"! "Well, I should be", yelled the DI. "I am standing on your hair! Get a hair cut!"
- James L. Curry, Sr.
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Two Soldiers' were standing outside an Army Supply Room. When one of them saw a sign posted on the door "Major Items" and said to the other soldier. "I think I knew Major Items when he was a Captain"!
- James L. Curry, Sr.
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An Army basic trainee was standing his first night on guard duty. when he saw a man's shadow coming out of the fog. He Shalts. "Halt who goes there"? "Major Jackson'! A minute or two of salience! "Well Soldier, "Are you going to leave me standing here like this all night"? "Oh No Sir, Parade Rest"!
- James L. Curry, Sr.
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When the bogey man goes to sleep he checks his closet for us marines
- Gary houghton
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After a ship full of military men sank, an army, marine, navy, airforce managed to stay alive in a tiny float fit for 1. But because of their weight, 3 should sacrifice and jump into the water. Navy man shouted "go navy" and jumped, army man said, "long live the army" & jumped, airforce man said, I don't know how to swim! So the marine stood, shouted, "marine first" and pushed the airforce man.
- Cee
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When I was attending the NCO Academy at Norton AFB, I received word that my assignment to Japan was cancelled. A classmate named Juan told me to put in for Guam where he was stationed and I did and received any assginment there. I look in the phone book and found his name and called the number. When someone answered I asked for Juan and he replied there is no one here. I started to laugh because if there was no one there how could he answer the phone. After I told the callee, we both laughed. Juan had been reaassigned stateside.
- Sherwood (Woody) Galen
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When Napoleon Bonaparte led his army into battle, he wore a red uniform so that, if he was wounded, the blood would not show and his troops would not lose their nerve. With that in mind, do you know why Navy officers and Chiefs wear brown trousers?
- Mack McLendon
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At a pet store an old lady picked out a parrot for a pet. The pet store owner cautioned her the parrot had belonged to a Sailor and may say a few bad words. He told her the strap attatched to its leg is attatched to a bracelet on her arm, if the bird says a dirty word, whirl the bird around her arm and he'll stop. After having no problems with her pet, one Sunday she decided to take the bird to Church. After about 30 minutes the bird got restless and squawked out loud, "It's damned hot.", she whirled the bird and he got quiet. A few minutes later the bird squawked, "It's hot as Hell." The old lady whirled the bird about 4 times, it sat up on her arm and fluffed and straightened it's feathers, and squawked very loudly, "F***ing windy too!"
- Janet
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During a deployment on the Aircraft Carrier Midway, there was an inspection by a visiting Admiral. All Navy and Marine personnel lined up in formation for the Admiral. While walking past several Sailors asking questions and receiving appropriate answers the Admiral stopped in front of a Marine and asked "What's the first thing you do after hearing "Man Overboard?" Without hesitation the Marine asked "Officer or Enlisted?"
- GySgt Jennings
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The soldier radios hq...they have us surrounded, they can't get away now!
- Louis
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Prvt Andrews entered the service on July 17th 1958. On the the first day he was issued a comb. That afternoon his head was shaved. On the second day he was issued a tooth brush. That afternoon the post dentist pulled two of his teeth. On the third day he was issued a jock strap...Prvt Andrews was never seen or heard from again.
- Matthews
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So these two marines are driving down the street one a lieutenant and one a private. the private tells the lietenany that he was rescued from a pow camp by the navy. The lietenant looks over and says well that doesn't make much sense the navy doesn't work with the corp. The private looks at him and says how was being a pow for half the war.
- Walter bell
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