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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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When I was attending the NCO Academy at Norton AFB, I received word that my assignment to Japan was cancelled. A classmate named Juan told me to put in for Guam where he was stationed and I did and received any assginment there. I look in the phone book and found his name and called the number. When someone answered I asked for Juan and he replied there is no one here. I started to laugh because if there was no one there how could he answer the phone. After I told the callee, we both laughed. Juan had been reaassigned stateside.
- Sherwood (Woody) Galen
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When Napoleon Bonaparte led his army into battle, he wore a red uniform so that, if he was wounded, the blood would not show and his troops would not lose their nerve. With that in mind, do you know why Navy officers and Chiefs wear brown trousers?
- Mack McLendon
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At a pet store an old lady picked out a parrot for a pet. The pet store owner cautioned her the parrot had belonged to a Sailor and may say a few bad words. He told her the strap attatched to its leg is attatched to a bracelet on her arm, if the bird says a dirty word, whirl the bird around her arm and he'll stop. After having no problems with her pet, one Sunday she decided to take the bird to Church. After about 30 minutes the bird got restless and squawked out loud, "It's damned hot.", she whirled the bird and he got quiet. A few minutes later the bird squawked, "It's hot as Hell." The old lady whirled the bird about 4 times, it sat up on her arm and fluffed and straightened it's feathers, and squawked very loudly, "F***ing windy too!"
- Janet
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During a deployment on the Aircraft Carrier Midway, there was an inspection by a visiting Admiral. All Navy and Marine personnel lined up in formation for the Admiral. While walking past several Sailors asking questions and receiving appropriate answers the Admiral stopped in front of a Marine and asked "What's the first thing you do after hearing "Man Overboard?" Without hesitation the Marine asked "Officer or Enlisted?"
- GySgt Jennings
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The soldier radios hq...they have us surrounded, they can't get away now!
- Louis
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Prvt Andrews entered the service on July 17th 1958. On the the first day he was issued a comb. That afternoon his head was shaved. On the second day he was issued a tooth brush. That afternoon the post dentist pulled two of his teeth. On the third day he was issued a jock strap...Prvt Andrews was never seen or heard from again.
- Matthews
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So these two marines are driving down the street one a lieutenant and one a private. the private tells the lietenany that he was rescued from a pow camp by the navy. The lietenant looks over and says well that doesn't make much sense the navy doesn't work with the corp. The private looks at him and says how was being a pow for half the war.
- Walter bell
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You know what ARMY stands for? Aren't Ready for Marines Yet.
- Mike
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A Army Wife and a Navy wife were at the annual Army/Navy football game where they had 50 yard seats! After the game, The Army wife asked the Navy wife How did she like the game? Navy wife replied, it was ok, but kinda rough over a coin. Puzzled, the Army wife asked Coin? Yea, said the Navy Wife, you know, they had a coin toss before the game got started, and all during the game all you heard was "GET THE QUARTER BACK!!!"
- Vic Hickok
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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
- Joe
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The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building". The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
- Joe
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The morning radio announcer on the AFES station in Anchorage AK was giving the time one morning at 8 AM. He said, for those of you in the Air Force, it is 8 AM, The Army, it is 0800 hours, the Navy, it is 8 bells, and for the Marines, the little hand is on the 8 and the big hand is on the 12.
- Don
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Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
- anonymous
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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
- anonymous
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A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down in the field for the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, "When you see all the stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?" The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but wonder if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why? What do you think of, Sergeant?" "I think somebody stole the damn tent."
- anonymous
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