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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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My gran said that during the first world war in France. my grandfather ,had mustard gas and pepper gas used against him. she said he was a ,seasoned vetaran!!
- Graham Knox
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What does USMC stand for? Uncle Sam's Misguided Children!
- Oakley Newton
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two guys walking on the opposite side of the street. one was dragging his leg and the other yelled "NAM", he yelled no!. "DOG SHIT TWO BLOCKS DOWN".
- norman f
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A MARINE SGT. E-5 WAS RECENTLY DISCHARGED AND ENROLLED IN COLLEGE TO STUDY RELIGION FACTIONS AROUND THE WORLD. THE PROFESSOR WAS EXPLAINING THAT THERE IS NO GOD. TO PROVE THIS HE SHOUTED 3 TIMES, THAT IF THERE WAS A GOD THEN GOD SHOULD KNOCK HIM OFF THE STAGE. AFTER THE 3RD TIME - THE MARINE AROSE AND WENT TO THE STAGE - THERE HE PROMPTLY LAID OUT THE PROFESSOR. UPON RECOVERING, THE PROFESSOR EXCLAIMED,"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" THE MARINE REPLIED GOD WAS BUSY SO HE SENT ME." SEMPER FI !!
- MILKE DEMARCO
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An Army NCO and Captain have been in the field all day playing war games in preparation for a big deployment. It's the end of the day, both men are completely dirty and exhausted and looking forward to hitting their cots. As they lay on their cots looking up at the sky the NCO asks the Captain, "Sir, what do you think of when you look up?" There's a long pause before the Captain speaks. "Well, when I look up and see all those stars, I can't help but feel pretty minute in the grand scale of things. I mean, compared to this galaxy and who knows how many other galaxies, I feel pretty insignificant here on earth and it makes me ponder what my purpose on life is really all about" Satisfied with his thought provoking response and picturing himself being patted on the back for his exceptional perception of things, he turns to the NCO and says "What do you think when you look up Sergeant?" Without hesitation the NCO replies "I think someone stole our tent Sir!"
- R Casey USAF
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phlebotomist: (to patient) I came to draw some blood patient: but I just received blood yesterday P: you didn't expect to keep it, did you?
- birdman
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My friend and I were Spec 5s in the Army in 1970, stationed at Ft Bliss. We each had about 4 months left on our enlistment and decided to see about getting an "early out". We asked the Top Soldier and he sent us to see the battery commander. We explained to the captain what we wanted and that we really were not doing anything useful. He looked at us very calmly and in a deep Southern drawl started his lecture with "I'm just a poor dumb country boy....". We never heard what else he had to say cause my firend and I piped with "Yes Sir" before he could go on. We did not get our "Early Out".
- Bob
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a g.i.k.p you get up in the morning when all sweet thinge are gay .you go into the kitchen to spend an 18 hour day.the day begins with breakfast,breakfast is over,your work has just begun.you wash, you scrub ,you scrape and polish,and now your spit shined boots are demolished,Whenyou finally finish and light up a smoke and things are starting to look like a joke ,you here a sound from far away ,you hold your breath and start to pray that sound you hear is your imagination .The sound gets loud and very near it,s the sound of angry bellies you hear .now all the guys just buzz around till all there bellies are big and round.Our beautiful mess hall which was clean and swell was once again hit by hell.once again you begin to clean,and the mess sergrant is looking so mean .you are notas sharp as in the morning ,you leave traces of grease on the spoon and tray that getting it clean it does not pay.Soon will come the men from battle that sound like a bunch of stampeding cattle.so now that the hours are fanally over you,re all finished ,you,re through, at long long last.you leave that place behind that day ,for a lousy 2 dollars and 50 a day. JOHN CORRAO US 51414303
- anonymous
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I was on a boat from Yokahama to Korea. I asked the sailor where is the booze, where is the women, how do you do this, we have been out for 6 hours, He said we have simulated liberty, what is that I asked. He said, we stand on deck, throw all our money over board, hit our head on the bulk head on the way down to our sleeping area, take out our foot locker, whip out our Johnson, bang it a few times, then go to sleep. Wake up sore head, sore Johnson, no money, simulated liberty.....Ha ha!
- Charles Rice
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[pickup line] Hey, the Navy called, they want their heat-seeking missiles back, and for you to stop wearing that dress, you look so hot it interferes with the guidance system.
- Cybertrec
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The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub just outside the Navy Base. A ragged old Marine Gunnery Sgt. was standing near the edge with a fishing rod, his line in the puddle. A curious young Navy fighter pilot came over to him and asked what he was doing. 'Fishing,' the old guy simply said. 'Poor old fool,' the Navy officer thought and he invited the ragged old Marine into the pub for a drink. As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the smart-ass fighter pilot asked, "And how many have you caught?' 'You're the eighth,' the old Marine Gunny answered.
- Ray
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Today's Veteran's Day senior citizen salute to our military goes to 80 year old Maudie Frigate who's torpedoes have officially reached her navel base.
- Super Dave
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what would you get if you dropped a piano on an army officer? a flat major
- alexandra
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How do you get an 80 year old Vet to use the "F" Word - Have another 80 year old Vet holler "BINGO".
- J Alexander
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What goes all over the world but only stays in one corner? A:a stamp(you deliver a envelope all over the world, and the stamp stays in the corner of the envelope.)
- angie tan
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