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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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What creature has more lives than a cat? It's a frog. You see, they croak every night.
- Elizabeth Clemens
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Q: What's long, hard and full of semen? A: A submarine
- Andrew
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General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that damned sniper?" The sergeant looked down at the general and replied: "I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot."
- Sergeant Emmanuel Velayo
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two sargeants were talking about getting vd one asks what is vd? vd is a desease of the private, the other one said no sweat we's sargeants!
- MARK TIERNEY
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Three kinds of Rings when getting married. Engagement Ring; Wedding Ring Ring.
and Suffer Ring for GI Joe.
- Ric
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3 marines walking on a side walk see a large pile of brown matter. One scoops some of it up in his hand and says, it feels like shit. The other picks some up and puts it in his mouth and says, it tastes like shit. The last marine picks some up and puts it to his nose and says, it smells like shit. The trio walks happily away and say, good thing we didnt step in it.
- Michael Pike
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Q: Why doesnt he navy allow strippers on submarines?
A: In combat the lights go red!
- Mr E.
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True story, not a joke but funny anyway. I was on the Independence during my squadrons carquals. We were out in Hampton Roads in the middle of a storm that caused flight ops to be secured. I didnt know that carriers had expansion joints until I walked down a passageway and saw an old salty chief sitting on a stool with a bag of English walnuts beside him. As the expansion joints moved back and forth, the old chief would put a walnut in the crack and when the joint closed it would crack the walnut and hed catch the remains and put them in another sack on his other side. that chief had more time in the chow line than I had in my entre Navy career. But it proved that if you wanted a difficult task done, ask an old slaty chief how to do it.
- Forrest Wilson
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I was on an advance party for our air assault combat infantry unit checking out the logistics for our upcoming mission. As a Sergeant, I had to go around and make sure that my troops were settled in. While doing so a Corporal whom had heard about my promotion decided to offer me some advice. My First Sergeant had silently and unknowingly come up behind the Corporal while he was talking. The Corporal said Sergeant, you have to be careful about making rank. The weight of your rank insignias start pulling down on your collar and cutting of the blood circulation to your brain. That is why First Sergeants are so retarded. I think he is still doing push-ups!
- Steven Smelden
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What does the army stand for Airforce Rejected Me Yesterday
- Dillon Evans
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While on duty in Vietnam. the news came on over the armed forces radio.
The news reporter said the time for the ARMY & AIR FORCE was 18 hundred hours. For the NAVY that would be six bells. For civilians it was six PM and for the Marines, the little hand is on the six and the big hand is on the twelve.
- the last stand
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A crusty navy chief just retired and was looking for a job in the civilian industry. He came across an ad from the Hotel Astor, they were looking for a driver to transport people from the Pennsylvania Railroad Station to the hotel. The Chief applied for the job and they explained to him what his job would entail, and instructed him that when people started getting off the train, he would be required to yell in a loud voice.....FREE BUS TO THE HOTEL ASTOR. While driving to the train station, he kept repeating to himself, ...FREE BUS TO THE HOTEL ASTOR, he didnt want to mess it up and lose his job on the first day. Upon arrival of the first train, a huge crowd of people started getting off the train, the driver suddenly became very excited and jumped out of the bus snd started yelling lowdly,....FREE ASS AT THE HOTEL BUSTER....i mean ...FREE HOTEL AT THE BUST YOUR ASTOR.....i mean ...BUST YOUR ASS AT THE HOTEL FREEZER.....i mean....FREEZE YOUR ASS AT THE HOTEL BASTARD.....imean....FREE HOTEL ASS BUSTER....i mean .... KISS MY ASS YOU BASTARDS AND TAKE A STREET CAR,.....I QUIT
- Gene Newsome
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An Airman was standing trial for calling a 2d Lt. a Dumb S.O.B. The judge told the Airman that it was degrading to call a 2d Lt a Dumb S.O.B., and the Airman replied, if thats so, is it okay to call an S.O.B. a 2d Lt.?
- Rod Chock, USAF Ret
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For years the Army and Navy have been the brunt of jokes. They decided to have a football game. The winner would have no jokes told about them. The loser would have all jokes told of them. The game went on, tearing up the middle of the field. No one even got close to scoring. A train went by and blew its wistle. the Army thought it was the end of the game and went home. 3 plays later the Navy missed a field goal.
- Mike Sapelak
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When I was stationed at Nellingen Barracks, Germany, one of our 1LT?s VW Bug blew a fan belt. But I wasn?t aware of this until I walked out of Admin just after that wonderful 5pm music had played, offered a salute and an added comment that went something like this: ?What?s the matter Sir, your rubber band break?? He returned the salute, gritting his teeth and withholding a sarcastic remark with great fortitude. However, he wasn?t as dumb as some LTs I?ve seen. He got a 2LT to make the repairs!
- Mike
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