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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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Why does the Navy wear bell bottoms?
When they meet up with a Marine, they can pi#s down their leg and not get any in their shoes.
- Don Butler
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THE ARMED SERVICES COMBINED HEAVYWEIGHT WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP The reigning champ, a marine sergeant has been champ for all the eightyears he has served. Thats because he has the PRETZEL HOLD. The weapon,once administered no one ever escaped from. His challenger is a NAVY 3rd class petty officer. After the introductions his coach says now dont let him get the pretzel hold on you, remember no one has EVER broken away from it. the p.o. says I wont let him I promise. The match begins, the p.o. is doing a great job on the marine. Then BING - BANG -WHIP - ZIP- Before he could react he was in the devistating PRETZEL HOLD,his shoulders were pinned as the referee counted--one--two there was an agonizing,piercing scream. The two combatants suddenly flew up over the ring about 8 feet into the air with the NAVY landing on top of the marine pinning him. The referee counted --one---two---three-- The petty officer went spazo running, jumping, doing back flips. The coach finally calmed him down enough to ask him how the hell did you do it? I thought you were going to be counted out and all hell broke loose.He says coach I heared the ref. counting-I looked up and saw a pair of BALLS so I bit them..he said coach you dont know what strength youve got until you Bite YOURSELF in the BALLS!!!!
- Don Butler
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I was on the serving line at mess 27 mcrd cooking up eggs when the next marine in line was a very pretty stacked BAM.
I asked how she wanted her eggs and she replied that she wanted only the whites. Trying to be smooth I asked her how she wanted them.
She replied hard.
I asked her how hard and she shoved her hand in my pocket and said ...about that hard.
- jay
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100 men go on a navy ship and fifty couples come off.
- Les Behrends
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Yup, The U.S.M.C. is part of the Department of the Navy. THE MENS DEPARTMENT.
- J. LaBarge Bryan
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There was a Soldier, and a Sailor at the same bar drinking. The soldier goes into the restroom and takes a leak. Right before he walks out the sailor walks in.
The sailor noticed the soldier didnt wash his hands. The sailor then asked the soldier...
What, did they not teach you to wash your hands in the Army?
The soldier replied. No they taught me not to piss on my hands.
- LC
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Why does the Navy have Marines on their boats?
Because the sheep are too obvious
- 0
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The Navy is useful, they provide the ride, the chow, and the entertainment.
The Marines are better, they provide FREEDOM!
- harris
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a bunch of army rangers were white water rafting, screaming RANGER! RANGER! RANGER!.
God and Jesus were sitting on a tree stump watching them. Jesus looks at God and says dad, what would happen if you took out a quater of their brain.
God says lets see, so God takes out a quater of their brain. the army rangers started screaming RANGER! RANGER! RANGER! even louder.
Jesus asked God hey dad take out half of their brain and see what happens. So God takes out half of their brain. The rangers start yelling RANGER! RANGER! RANGER! louder and louder. by now Jesus is fustrated and he asks God hey dad take out all of their brain and see what happens.
So God takes out all of their brain and instead of yelling RANGER RANGER RANGER. they started singing, from the halls of montezuma to the shores of tripoli
- 0
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There was this wife of a marine that was working at wal/mart the nite shift, it was cold and snow was on the ground, and it was getting deeper every min. She remembered that her husband had told her that if a snow plow was going by to get behind it, and she would beable to get home safe, so that is what happened that night. She got behind this truck, and did as she was told. one hr. went by then two, and then the truck stoped the man got out came back to her car and ask her why she was following him, she told him what her husband had told her to do, and he said it was all right he was going over to the JC pennys parking lot now, and would she like to come over there too.
- airpower
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Did you know that all blond and Marine jokes were interchangeable?
- Ray Cording
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A Sailor and a Marine was in a bar drinking beer and arguing which was the better service.
Well into the argument the Marine said ?We have Iwo Jima!?
The Sailor then stated ?we have the Battle of Midway!?
The marine then said, ?Not exactly, there were a lot of Marines fought and lost their lives in that battle.?
The Sailor conceded to the Marine that the Navy could not have won the battle without the help of the Marines and out of desperation blurted out ?The Navy invented sex!?
The Marine answered with ?Maybe you did, but it was the Marines who introduced it to women!?
- ron- retired arng/ e6
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what is the differance in a boyscout and the national guards ? the boyscouts have adult supervision.
- AIRBORNE ALL THE WAY
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Why did the NAVY go back to the 13 button jumper? So the Marines would have a tray hatch
- test
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A Marine, Soldier and Sailor were watching new Airmen recruits marching in formation. The all came to the conclusion that that was the most sex those boys would ever get. They were walking abreast.
- Sgt Blanchard
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