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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building". The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
- Joe
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The morning radio announcer on the AFES station in Anchorage AK was giving the time one morning at 8 AM. He said, for those of you in the Air Force, it is 8 AM, The Army, it is 0800 hours, the Navy, it is 8 bells, and for the Marines, the little hand is on the 8 and the big hand is on the 12.
- Don
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Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
- anonymous
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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
- anonymous
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A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down in the field for the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, "When you see all the stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?" The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but wonder if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why? What do you think of, Sergeant?" "I think somebody stole the damn tent."
- anonymous
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Navy master chief, Army sergeant major, and Marine sergeant major go to a board for retirement. The board tells them, "We will measure from one body part to another, and for every inch, we'll give you $1000 for severance pay." The master chief says, "Measure from my feet to the top of my head." They do, and measure 72 inches, $72000. The Army sergeant major says, "Measure from the bottom of my feet to the tip of my fingers in the air." They do, and measure 100 inches, $100000. The marine sergeant major says, "Measure from the tip of my dick to my balls." The board asks, "Don't you wanna measure something longer?" The marine says "no." They go to measure, but find a problem. They ask the marine, "Where's your balls?" The marine responds, "VIET-FUCKING-NAM!"
- Jacob
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What's the difference between then Army and the Circus? The Army has bigger tents and salutes its clowns.
- Slymer
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An American, a German and a Dutch general are boasting in front of each other about the level of courage their troops have. The American yells out to one if his soldiers: You, dive underneath that submarine, show them what you have. The marine proceeds to jump in, swim under the sub and surfaces on the other side, panting. "Told you they have guts", the American says. Zat is nothing, exclaims the German. Du, put another submarine beside it und swim under both, ja? The german soldier appears to hesitate for a bit, but he [INVALID]s the order. After his swim he surfaces coughing, gasping for air. "As you can see, ze German military shows great courage." The Dutch general grins and calls over one of his marines: You, add a third sub and take a dip. The Dutch soldier simply flips off his general and walks away. All three generals quickly concluded that the Dutch soldiers have the biggest balls.
- AJ
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Kim Jong Un launches a missle. The Amercans find out and don't do anything about it. Why is that? Because the missiles will always fail.
- James Chong
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Was attending a charity event at a golf course here in Baltimore wearing kilts as well as to show our heritage as well.we tee off and then drove up to the first green were a group of very attractive ladies were finishing there putts when our 4some drove up one of the attractive ladies looked bewildered seeing us in kilts.She spoke "hey is it true do u not wear anything under those kilts?" I answer with" it be true classy we don't wear anything underneath" Guess she had to find out so she placed her hand up under my kilt.feeling my manhood then quickly withdrawing,saying " That's Grewsome " I smiled and replied " If you do it again it will grow some more!" I got her phone number latter lol...
- Russell b Rexrode jr
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a captain went to the mess room for lunch one day. the cook asked what do you want special today sir he said give me your best order of boudain sausage. well sir might i remind you that that kind of sausage is very hot. the captain replied just bring it you nitwit ok . so the cook bought the captain what he asked for he ate it the last we heard him say was get out of my way people fire in the hole
- ss
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Two PFCS were sitting in the chow hall eating.One of them was eating a piece of corn on the cob and began to laugh,his buddy said whats so funny.The other said this is the only time I get to chew on Colonels.
- J Chadwick
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Four veterans, one from each branch, end up sharing a restaurant table at a layover in O'Hare. Amazingly, they each order water to drink. As they wait, the sailor says the the U.S. Navy is the most powerful service because water covers most of the earth and they rule the seas. The soldier says, "That's nothin', you guys can't do anything on land, but we take fresh water with us in trucks. So, we control all of civilization." The Marine quickly injects, "We Marines don't need trucks. We carry a week's supply of water in our canteens. And have enough left to take a bath - whatever that is." He no sooner finishes his words than the server returns with their drinks. Upon which the Airman asks, "Hey, where's my ice?"
- Roger Fuller
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Air pcs to Hawaii, all he can think about is getting greeted by a pretty hawaiian girl and having roses placed around his neck. When he landed in hawaii other pax were being greeted and having roses placed around their neck. The airman learned that the roses was called leia. He was there for three years and never got a lay.
- MSgt Bentley
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An Army ranger, Navy seal and Marine recon where walking in Iraq. They came across a sheep tangled in barb wire. The Army ranger says" I wish that was Holly Berry, The navy seal say's I wish that was Jennifer Lopez, The Marine looked around I just wish it was dark
- R Duncan
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