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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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Four veterans, one from each branch, end up sharing a restaurant table at a layover in O'Hare. Amazingly, they each order water to drink. As they wait, the sailor says the the U.S. Navy is the most powerful service because water covers most of the earth and they rule the seas. The soldier says, "That's nothin', you guys can't do anything on land, but we take fresh water with us in trucks. So, we control all of civilization." The Marine quickly injects, "We Marines don't need trucks. We carry a week's supply of water in our canteens. And have enough left to take a bath - whatever that is." He no sooner finishes his words than the server returns with their drinks. Upon which the Airman asks, "Hey, where's my ice?"
- Roger Fuller
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Air pcs to Hawaii, all he can think about is getting greeted by a pretty hawaiian girl and having roses placed around his neck. When he landed in hawaii other pax were being greeted and having roses placed around their neck. The airman learned that the roses was called leia. He was there for three years and never got a lay.
- MSgt Bentley
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An Army ranger, Navy seal and Marine recon where walking in Iraq. They came across a sheep tangled in barb wire. The Army ranger says" I wish that was Holly Berry, The navy seal say's I wish that was Jennifer Lopez, The Marine looked around I just wish it was dark
- R Duncan
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why isn't, Alzheimer's so bad? you'll be able to hide your own Easter Eggs.
- Duane mcfarland
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What do you call a large formation of MAC aircraft with paratroopers aboard? A Big Mac attack!
- Joseph Bettino
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Three companies of army rangers were on training humping through the hills. They were marching along and see a lone Marine standing on a hill starring at them. They all stop and the Marine flips them off and walks behind the hill. The first company of rangers charges the hill explosions gun fire erupted then silence. The Marine stands on hill and flips off the last two companies and walks back down other side. The second company charges hill explosions and gunfire erupted then silence. A lone army ranger comes tumbling done the hill the last company commander says what the hell is going on?. Dont go sir its a trap. What do you mean it's a trap? There is two of them dont go there's two Marines!!!!
- sgt hubbard
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We were on night maneuvers in Fort Benning training my Buddy Dave brought some coffee to make so we waited and waited for the attack unit to come in Charging. Dave just back from Viet Nam said to heck with it and started making Coffee after he was half through with making it the Luie came and screamed put that fire out so we did about and hour later the same Luie came back and told us to send off a flare that the Div. was lost well as he walked away Dave could not help it said Sir how about if we just Light a fire needless to say KP for the next 2 weeks lol
- Roger Johnson
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Our Family have Royal Connections, My mother told me. My great uncle Albert .Once went down on the Empress of India, She exclaimed. I was taken aback with this term she had used. It was later on . that i found out that he was Aboard a troop ship . and torpedoed off the coast of Italy.
- Graham Knox
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My gran said that during the first world war in France. my grandfather ,had mustard gas and pepper gas used against him. she said he was a ,seasoned vetaran!!
- Graham Knox
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What does USMC stand for? Uncle Sam's Misguided Children!
- Oakley Newton
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two guys walking on the opposite side of the street. one was dragging his leg and the other yelled "NAM", he yelled no!. "DOG SHIT TWO BLOCKS DOWN".
- norman f
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A MARINE SGT. E-5 WAS RECENTLY DISCHARGED AND ENROLLED IN COLLEGE TO STUDY RELIGION FACTIONS AROUND THE WORLD. THE PROFESSOR WAS EXPLAINING THAT THERE IS NO GOD. TO PROVE THIS HE SHOUTED 3 TIMES, THAT IF THERE WAS A GOD THEN GOD SHOULD KNOCK HIM OFF THE STAGE. AFTER THE 3RD TIME - THE MARINE AROSE AND WENT TO THE STAGE - THERE HE PROMPTLY LAID OUT THE PROFESSOR. UPON RECOVERING, THE PROFESSOR EXCLAIMED,"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" THE MARINE REPLIED GOD WAS BUSY SO HE SENT ME." SEMPER FI !!
- MILKE DEMARCO
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An Army NCO and Captain have been in the field all day playing war games in preparation for a big deployment. It's the end of the day, both men are completely dirty and exhausted and looking forward to hitting their cots. As they lay on their cots looking up at the sky the NCO asks the Captain, "Sir, what do you think of when you look up?" There's a long pause before the Captain speaks. "Well, when I look up and see all those stars, I can't help but feel pretty minute in the grand scale of things. I mean, compared to this galaxy and who knows how many other galaxies, I feel pretty insignificant here on earth and it makes me ponder what my purpose on life is really all about" Satisfied with his thought provoking response and picturing himself being patted on the back for his exceptional perception of things, he turns to the NCO and says "What do you think when you look up Sergeant?" Without hesitation the NCO replies "I think someone stole our tent Sir!"
- R Casey USAF
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phlebotomist: (to patient) I came to draw some blood patient: but I just received blood yesterday P: you didn't expect to keep it, did you?
- birdman
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My friend and I were Spec 5s in the Army in 1970, stationed at Ft Bliss. We each had about 4 months left on our enlistment and decided to see about getting an "early out". We asked the Top Soldier and he sent us to see the battery commander. We explained to the captain what we wanted and that we really were not doing anything useful. He looked at us very calmly and in a deep Southern drawl started his lecture with "I'm just a poor dumb country boy....". We never heard what else he had to say cause my firend and I piped with "Yes Sir" before he could go on. We did not get our "Early Out".
- Bob
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