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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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a g.i.k.p you get up in the morning when all sweet thinge are gay .you go into the kitchen to spend an 18 hour day.the day begins with breakfast,breakfast is over,your work has just begun.you wash, you scrub ,you scrape and polish,and now your spit shined boots are demolished,Whenyou finally finish and light up a smoke and things are starting to look like a joke ,you here a sound from far away ,you hold your breath and start to pray that sound you hear is your imagination .The sound gets loud and very near it,s the sound of angry bellies you hear .now all the guys just buzz around till all there bellies are big and round.Our beautiful mess hall which was clean and swell was once again hit by hell.once again you begin to clean,and the mess sergrant is looking so mean .you are notas sharp as in the morning ,you leave traces of grease on the spoon and tray that getting it clean it does not pay.Soon will come the men from battle that sound like a bunch of stampeding cattle.so now that the hours are fanally over you,re all finished ,you,re through, at long long last.you leave that place behind that day ,for a lousy 2 dollars and 50 a day. JOHN CORRAO US 51414303
- anonymous
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I was on a boat from Yokahama to Korea. I asked the sailor where is the booze, where is the women, how do you do this, we have been out for 6 hours, He said we have simulated liberty, what is that I asked. He said, we stand on deck, throw all our money over board, hit our head on the bulk head on the way down to our sleeping area, take out our foot locker, whip out our Johnson, bang it a few times, then go to sleep. Wake up sore head, sore Johnson, no money, simulated liberty.....Ha ha!
- Charles Rice
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[pickup line] Hey, the Navy called, they want their heat-seeking missiles back, and for you to stop wearing that dress, you look so hot it interferes with the guidance system.
- Cybertrec
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The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub just outside the Navy Base. A ragged old Marine Gunnery Sgt. was standing near the edge with a fishing rod, his line in the puddle. A curious young Navy fighter pilot came over to him and asked what he was doing. 'Fishing,' the old guy simply said. 'Poor old fool,' the Navy officer thought and he invited the ragged old Marine into the pub for a drink. As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the smart-ass fighter pilot asked, "And how many have you caught?' 'You're the eighth,' the old Marine Gunny answered.
- Ray
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Today's Veteran's Day senior citizen salute to our military goes to 80 year old Maudie Frigate who's torpedoes have officially reached her navel base.
- Super Dave
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what would you get if you dropped a piano on an army officer? a flat major
- alexandra
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How do you get an 80 year old Vet to use the "F" Word - Have another 80 year old Vet holler "BINGO".
- J Alexander
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What goes all over the world but only stays in one corner? A:a stamp(you deliver a envelope all over the world, and the stamp stays in the corner of the envelope.)
- angie tan
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What creature has more lives than a cat? It's a frog. You see, they croak every night.
- Elizabeth Clemens
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Q: What's long, hard and full of semen? A: A submarine
- Andrew
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General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that damned sniper?" The sergeant looked down at the general and replied: "I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot."
- Sergeant Emmanuel Velayo
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two sargeants were talking about getting vd one asks what is vd? vd is a desease of the private, the other one said no sweat we's sargeants!
- MARK TIERNEY
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Three kinds of Rings when getting married. Engagement Ring; Wedding Ring Ring.
and Suffer Ring for GI Joe.
- Ric
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3 marines walking on a side walk see a large pile of brown matter. One scoops some of it up in his hand and says, it feels like shit. The other picks some up and puts it in his mouth and says, it tastes like shit. The last marine picks some up and puts it to his nose and says, it smells like shit. The trio walks happily away and say, good thing we didnt step in it.
- Michael Pike
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Q: Why doesnt he navy allow strippers on submarines?
A: In combat the lights go red!
- Mr E.
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