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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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This ones kinda long. 3 Generals and an Admiral are sitting in the O Club at Los Alamitos JFTB. Theyre trying to prove which branch has the bravest men. The Marine General says, We got the bravest. Prove it, say the others. So they hop up to 29 Palms & head out to the range. The Marine General walks up to a Lance Corporal & says, Marine, charge that machine gun! Aye, aye sir! comes the reply. When the lcpl follows his orders, hes immediately turned to swiss cheese. The Marine General looks back & says, That takes bravery. BS, say the others. The Army General says,We got the bravest. Prove it. So they hop up to Ft Irwin NTC & head for a motor pool. There they find a soldier ground guiding M1A2s out. The Army General walks up to the soldier & says, Stop that tank. Yes, sir! comes the reply. The soldier runs up in front of the tank & is quickly turned into a meat waffle by the tracks. Now, THAT takes bravery! says The Army General. BS, hes told. The Air Force General says, We got the bravest. And I CAN prove it! So they hop down to March AFB & head out to the flight line. Theres an F-15 taxing toward the runway. The Air Force General walks up to a young airman & says, Stop that plane. Will do, sir, comes the reply. So the airman runs out to the runway in front of the plane , gets sucked-up into the intake, and is promptly spewed out of the exhaust as fish food. THATS bravery! says the Air Force General. The Admiral just starts laughing. Navy men are the REAL bravest! Follow me, says the Admiral. So they hop down to San Diego Naval Base & head for a pier with a carrier moored to it. As they walk down the pier, the Admiral spots a pitiful excuse for a sailor, sitting on a fuel can, smoking a cigarette. His Dungarees look like they were pulled out of the refuse. His Boondockers look like they were shined with a hot Hershey bar. He has no cover on. And it appears that his razor ran away from home. The Admiral walks up to the sailor & says, Go change all the lights on the island structure. The sailor notices that the ship is rocking back & forth in the current. He looks at the Admiral & says, SCREW YOU! The Admiral looks back at the Generals & says, Now, THAT takes bravery!
- Christopher Graham
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MARINES: My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment, Sir!
- -1
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Five NCOs were sitting in the NCO club one day having beers. All were Catholic. The first NCO, a SGM says that my son is a priest. When he walks in a room every one says Hello, father. The second NCO, and E8, says my son in a Bishop. When he walks in a room, everyone says hello your grace. The third NCO, an E7, says my son is a Cardinal. When he walks in a room, everyone says hello your Eminence. The fourth NCO, an E6 says my son in The Pope. When he walks in a room, everyone stands, and says hello your Holy Father. THe fifth NCO, an E5, and a woman had said nothing. The SGM asked her about her children. She replied, I only have one child, and she is 23, with a 40 D bust, 23 waist, and 35 hips. When she walks in a room everyone says OOOOOO MY GOD
- Jackie F NJ USAF 1972-75
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The soldiers were on the mend in the Military Hospital. In comes the WAC with the ½ thick glasses into the tent. All 3 in the tent were gigging until one said to her, Mam, mam, why do you have a thermometer on your ear? She in turn replied, ah crap, one of the A-Holes in the other tent has my pencil!
- bob w
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why cant Marines eat M&M's???
they dont know how to peel them!
- R. Salazar
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The Sergeant at the reception station asks if there are any High School graduates in the group, several men raise their hands. You men stand over here, Then the Sergeant asks if there are any College Graduates, a few more raise their hands. you men stand over there... Then the Sergeant says you men with the College Educations grab the lawn mowers, you men with the High School educations grab the rakes and you men with no education, watch them, you might learn something...
- MIKE SUNDER
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DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS 6 INCHES LONG And 2 INCHES WIDE AND ABSOLUTELY DRIVES WOMEN CRAZY??? ........ PAPER MONEY. C'MON NOW WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
- PVT R.Pease
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US ARMY Backwards- YES MY RETARDED ASS SIGNED UP !
- Nathan Stump
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Islamic terrorist are like King Salmon.... All is good until the Seals come!
- Bob Pease
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Who loves you most: Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for a few hours then let them out...........who will be glad to see you?
- anonymous
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MY UNCLE WHO IS RETIRED FROM THE NAVY WENT OUT ON HIS BOAT WITH TWO MEN AND A WOMAN AND CAME BACK WITH CRABS!
- athwps
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What do the guys shout at iraqi strip shows???
come on baby, show us your face
While I have the chance, god bless you all and god bless america, from Tasmania, Australia.
- MIKE
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Iraq and Afghanistan have the same state bird - DUCK!
- Unknown
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2 CAREER SWABBYS WERE SITTING AT THE BAR. ONE OF THEM SAYS LOOK AT THOSE TWO DRUNKS ACROSS THE BAR, THAT COULD BE US IN 10YRS. THE OTHER GUY SAYS YOU ASSHOLE, THATS A MIRROR !
- don butler
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WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THE BODY ??????
BRAIN says I do all the thinking
BLOOD says I nourish the body
STOMACH saysI process all the food to get ready for nourishment
LEGS says I carry everybody everywhere
RECTUM says I do waste removal
allthe others LAUGHED at the RECTUM.
so the RECTUM shut down tight. Pretty soon the:
BRAIN had wicked headaches.
BLOOD got toxic.
LEGS got wobbly.
STOMACH bloated.
MORAL:
OTHERS DO THE WORK and:
THERE IS AN A$$HOLE IN CHARGE...
- DON BUTLER
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