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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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Any time two or more GIs get together the promotion system will enter the conversation, as everyone has a gripe about the system and a fix for it. The best I ever heard came from one of the Crows, he said, "Everyone should come into the Air Force as a full colonel and be allowed to sink to their own level."
- Bruce Bailey
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The corporal at the Motor Pool received a call one day demanding the delivery of a Jeep.
"Sorry, man", said the Corporal, "the last Jeep went out yesterday to Sgt. Fat-Ass McGinty."
The voice on the phone said, "Do you know who this is?"
"No, man," said the Corporal.
"Well this is Sgt. McGinty."
After a moment, the Corporal asked, "Do you know who this is?"
McGinty replied, "No, I don't."
Said the Corporal before hanging up, "Bye-bye, Fat-Ass!"
"Sorry, man", said the Corporal, "the last Jeep went out yesterday to Sgt. Fat-Ass McGinty."
The voice on the phone said, "Do you know who this is?"
"No, man," said the Corporal.
"Well this is Sgt. McGinty."
After a moment, the Corporal asked, "Do you know who this is?"
McGinty replied, "No, I don't."
Said the Corporal before hanging up, "Bye-bye, Fat-Ass!"
- TV-Man
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What's the fastest way to get in a foxhole? Lift up it's tail. Cpl. D. L. Denniss M Baty, 4th Bn. 12th Marine 3ed Mar-Div. Viet-nam 68/69 (We were winning when I left)
- Cpl. Denny
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Several years ago, we were returning to the west coast from Florida in one of our units passenger aircraft. Since I was a flight crew member, I was wearing a flight suit. While standing at the back door of the aircraft awaiting takeoff, an 82 Airborne Chaplin came up the ramp. He was hitching a ride with us. As soon as he saw my flight suit, he asked where his parachute was. I, very straight faced, explained to him that we didn't carry parachutes, but he kept insisting that he wanted a parachute. About that time our copilot walked by, and I told him about the Chaplin's request. The copilot turned to the chaplin and said in a very serious sounding voice:, "Sir, In the Air Force, we believe that airplanes are to fly in, not jump out of." The Chaplin very quietly went into the aircraft and found a seat.
- Ed Smith
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"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your
unit." -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
"Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Canuck
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If you take Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, both up in a C-130 and drop them simultaneously from 10,000 feet, without parachutes~~ Which one will hit the ground first?
Who cares !
Who cares !
- N Massey
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An amry SGT was leading his platoon when he spotted a marine standing at parade rest on top of a hill. He said to the nearest PVT in his platoon, "Bring me that marine." The private took off running and at the same time the marine took off running and they met in some woods that were between them. There was silence and then the marine ran back up on top of the hill and returned to his original stance. The private never returned. The SGT was pissed and sent two more privates tell them to bring him that marine immediately because he wanted to know what the hell was going on. The privates ran toward the marine and the marine ran towards the privates and they met in the woods. This time there was the sound of a slight scuffle and then silence and the marine returned to his original position. The SGT was infuriated because his privates had not returned and sent the entire platoon after that marine and again the marine met them in the woods. This time there was a scuffle and a scream heard then silence and the marine walked up the hill and returned to his original position with his uniform slightly wrinkled and it was about this time that one of the PVTs came crawling out of the woods and when he reached the SGT he said, "Sorry, Sir, there was an ambush...there were two of them."
- James M. former USMC
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Sgt, Said the 2nd Lt. on the Firing range, "If I don't Qualify" will it keep me from going to Iraq "No Sir" Said the Instructer, BUT, "It Might Keep You From Coming Home, SIR"
- Bob Gwin
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An Army Chaplain, An USAF Doctor and a Marine Lawyer were in a Boat. They had lost their oars, and were near an Island, but were surrounded by "SHARKS", they decided, that the only way to make it to the island, was for one t jump overboard & swim away from the island, and the other two could swim to the island, and hope that the sharks didn't get the one swimming the other way. The MARINE LAWYER, said, I'll do it & Jumped overboard & swam away, the other two jumped overboard the other way & swam to the island. They looked out to sea, t see how the Marine was making out! To their surprise, he was riding the back of one of the Largest Sharks in the Bunch. The shark swam right up next to the island and the Lawyer stepped off on "Dry land" The shark then swam away, & the Lawyer waved to them, s they left. It's a "Miracle" said the Chaplain, "No" said the Marine Lawyer, "JUST A PROFESSIONAL COURTESY!
- BOB GWIN
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While at Ft. Wainwright, Alaska, The USAF had mostly been shipped to other bases, and only a few remained. One day, while the only USAF Sgt in the Housing Area, he lived in, was out washing his car, withhis Army Sgt, neighbors, one of them asked, "Why didn't you join the Army instead of the Air Force?", He replied, I tried to, but was turned down! at This, all the Army Sgts were listening very cosely, "Why" Asked the Army SGt. "Bcause, said the USAF Sgt, THEY FOUND THAT MY PARENTS WERE MARRIED!" They never Harrassed him any more after that, about the Army. BUT some of the Men liked Alaska so well, they switched from USAF to Army, to be able to stay up there. Personally, with the Temp, at -75 below Zero F. in l961, I was glad when the orders came to rotate to the "Lower 48" But wasn't happy with my assignment at "Dover AFB, Delaware" The wind was worse than Alaska, the Snow worse, & "They didn't give you "ARTIC GEAR" in Dealwar & the Girls had to be imported from Wilmington De, Penns GroveNJ & Philadelphia Pa by USO Bus, so we could hve "Dance Partners" NO JOKE. BOB GWIN bobgwin@zwallt.com, if anyone wants to email me, aged 62, Tulsa, OK, married since l971, same wife Ex-Navy, & Ohio & I'm from Alabama.
- BOB GWIN
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How many officers does it take to start a jeep? 5, how many NCO's does it take? 1, cause no matter how many of them you have officers can't do anything right.
- Devil PUP 03
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Do you know how to play Iraqi bingo?
C-130... F-16... B-52....
C-130... F-16... B-52....
- Michelle DeVille
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One day a recruit in basic combat training screwed up. Once the trainer heard about it he chewed the recruit a new hole. some time latter the private complained about the chewing out, and the trainer heard about it again. so the trainer went up to the recruit and said, "I heard that you are going to spit on my grave when i'm dead. Is that true?"
The recruit replied, "Sir, once I leave this place I am never going to stand in line again."
The recruit replied, "Sir, once I leave this place I am never going to stand in line again."
- Richard A Draeger Jr.
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A General from the Army, Air Force, Marines and an Admiral all get together to decide which branch has the most guts. The Army General says watch this."Private, Go stand in the middle of that shooting range while I commense a firing drill and don't move.""Yes, Sir!"replies the private as he got shot to pieces. Then the Army General Says,"Now thats guts!" The Marine General says,"Watch this. Private, take this grenade, pull the pin, but don't throw it." "Yes, Sir!" replies the private and he gets blown apart. The Marine General says," No, Thats guts!" The Air Force General says,"No, watch this. Airmen, get into that plane, fly to 15,000 agl, then do a nose dive straight into the ground. Don't pull up and don't eject." "Yes, sir!" Says the airman as he crashes into the ground. "Now thats guts," says the Air Force General. The Admiral looks at them and says,"Watch this. Seman, get to the top of that mast and do a bellyflop from there to the deck of the ship." The seman looks at him and says,"Screw you,sir!" Then the Admiral says," Now thats guts!!"
- John Fortunato
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What's the difference between the army&the boy scouts?Boy scouts have adult leadership.
- john corner
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