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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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The young Marine in a snide voice says to the old sailor, "I love you sailors. Whenever we go to fight, you give us a ride." Causing raucous laughter in the bar. The old Chief looks over and says, "We love you guys to, giving you Marines a ride let the NAVY Brass believe it was OK to assign women to ships."
- Walter Lydecker
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Theres an ARMY guy and a Marine in the bathroom taking a leak, The Army guy zips up and starts to leave, The marine runs to stop him and says..."You know, in the Marines they teach us to wash our hands AFTER WE PEE." Then the Army guy SAYS..." In the Army they teach not to pee on our hands!"
- Bob Pease PVT E-2
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Best branch of the US Armed Forces?
A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which branch of the service was The Best.
The arguing became so heated the four servicemen failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street. They were hit by the truck and killed instantly.
Soon, the four servicemen found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven. There, they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty.
So, the four servicemen asked him, Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best?
Saint Peter replied, I cant answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven.
Sometime later the four servicemen see Saint Peter and remind him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven and asked Saint Peter if he was able to ask God for the answer to their answer.?
Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peters shoulder. In the doves beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four servicemen:
MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY TO: All Former Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines
SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is the Best
1. All branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and noble.
2. Each serves America well and with distinction.
3. Serving in the United States military represents a great honor warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication from your fellow man.
4. Always be proud of that.
Warm Regards,
GOD, USAF, Ret.
- -1
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How did Hitler tie his shoes? With little Nazis
- Russ S.
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What does NAVY stand for?
Never Again Volunteer Yourself!
- Russ S.
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A Story concerning two enlisted men enjoy.
Two Privates were out in town and it seemed that everywhere they went it always stated that privates were not allowed. Well as time went on they were finally promoted to Corporals. This really excited them and they could not wait to get some leave to go out into town to be able to have some fun instead of having to go to the clubs where privates were allowed to go to. Well once out in town as corporals they were finally allowed into one of the clubs they used to think about visiting and being excited about receiving entrance to one of these establishments they decided that they would only give out there initials so they would not be able to get into trouble by name. Well they were inside the establishment and found a couple of ladies that they wanted to spend some time with and after they explained there intensions to these ladies they agreed to spend some time with them too. Once they arrived at the motel room the ladies inquired their names which they explained that they only wanted to give out there initials as not to be able to get into trouble on base. The ladies listened to their story and agreed that this was a wise and noble thing to do so they also informed them that they would also like to avoid trouble and would only give them their initials too. So the ladies stated that their initials were VD. Well everyone had a great time and upon returning to base they decide that they would see if they could possibly figure out what the ladies names were by looking up their initials and looking in the dictionary they found out that the initials for VD were described as a disease of the privates. Well they just laughed and stated well we do not have to worry about that because we are corporals now.
- rote nike schuhe
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TWO NAVY CHIEFS ARE SITTING AT THE CHIEFS CLUB DRINKING AND GETTING DRUNKER BY THE MINUTE. WHEN ONE OF THE CHIEFS GETS SICK AND PUKES ALL OVER HIMSELF. HE SAYS MY WIFE IS GOING TO KILL ME FOR GETTING DRUNK AGAIN AND PUKING ON MYSELF. I BETTER GET GOING HOME TO FACE THE MUSIC. THE OTHER CHIEF SAYS TO HIM PUT A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL IN YOUR SHIRT POCKET AND MAKE UP A STORY THAT SOMEONE ELSE PUKED ON HIM AND GAVE HIM TWENTY DOLLARS TO HAVE HIS UNIFORMED CLEANED. SO THE CHIEF THAT PUKED ON HIMSELF SAYS THATS A GREAT IDEA. SO THEY CONTINUE TO GET DRUNKER AND ABOUT 3AM THE CHIEF GOES HOME TO HIS WIFE WHO IS SITTING UP WAITING FOR HIM AT HOME.
WHEN HE COMES THRU THE DOOR SHE STARTS YELLING AT HIM THAT HES DRUNK AND PUKED ALL OVER HIMSELF. AND HE SAYS JJJUUUSSSSTTT WAIIIT AAA MINUTEEE I CAN SPLAIN EVERYTHING. SOMMMMBODDDDY ELSSS PUKED ONNN MEEE AND PUT 20 DOLLARRS IN MY SHIRTTT POCKET. TO HAVVVVE IT CLEANNNED. THE WIFE SAYS THERES 40 DOLLARS HERE. THE CHIEFS SAYS OOOOO I AALMOSST FORRGOT HE SHIT IN MMY PANTS AAALSOOO.
- Sgt. James
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What did the marine say to the sub marine, if im a marine and you are a sub marine why do you taste like metal
- SteveO
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A basic aiman at Lackland recieved his first two hour pass to go to the BX. While he was playing a pin ball machine, a 2d Lt came up to him and asked if he had change for a quater. Not yet militerized, the Airman no class said sure, how do you want it, all nickles, two dimes and a nickle? The butter bar said, I am an officer, you should call me sir, now lets try it agin. Airman, do you have change for a quater? The airman replyed No sir, I dont
- johnny
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How do you break up a bingo game in Iraq ? Call out B-52
- Chris
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This ones kinda long. 3 Generals and an Admiral are sitting in the O Club at Los Alamitos JFTB. Theyre trying to prove which branch has the bravest men. The Marine General says, We got the bravest. Prove it, say the others. So they hop up to 29 Palms & head out to the range. The Marine General walks up to a Lance Corporal & says, Marine, charge that machine gun! Aye, aye sir! comes the reply. When the lcpl follows his orders, hes immediately turned to swiss cheese. The Marine General looks back & says, That takes bravery. BS, say the others. The Army General says,We got the bravest. Prove it. So they hop up to Ft Irwin NTC & head for a motor pool. There they find a soldier ground guiding M1A2s out. The Army General walks up to the soldier & says, Stop that tank. Yes, sir! comes the reply. The soldier runs up in front of the tank & is quickly turned into a meat waffle by the tracks. Now, THAT takes bravery! says The Army General. BS, hes told. The Air Force General says, We got the bravest. And I CAN prove it! So they hop down to March AFB & head out to the flight line. Theres an F-15 taxing toward the runway. The Air Force General walks up to a young airman & says, Stop that plane. Will do, sir, comes the reply. So the airman runs out to the runway in front of the plane , gets sucked-up into the intake, and is promptly spewed out of the exhaust as fish food. THATS bravery! says the Air Force General. The Admiral just starts laughing. Navy men are the REAL bravest! Follow me, says the Admiral. So they hop down to San Diego Naval Base & head for a pier with a carrier moored to it. As they walk down the pier, the Admiral spots a pitiful excuse for a sailor, sitting on a fuel can, smoking a cigarette. His Dungarees look like they were pulled out of the refuse. His Boondockers look like they were shined with a hot Hershey bar. He has no cover on. And it appears that his razor ran away from home. The Admiral walks up to the sailor & says, Go change all the lights on the island structure. The sailor notices that the ship is rocking back & forth in the current. He looks at the Admiral & says, SCREW YOU! The Admiral looks back at the Generals & says, Now, THAT takes bravery!
- Christopher Graham
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MARINES: My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment, Sir!
- -1
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Five NCOs were sitting in the NCO club one day having beers. All were Catholic. The first NCO, a SGM says that my son is a priest. When he walks in a room every one says Hello, father. The second NCO, and E8, says my son in a Bishop. When he walks in a room, everyone says hello your grace. The third NCO, an E7, says my son is a Cardinal. When he walks in a room, everyone says hello your Eminence. The fourth NCO, an E6 says my son in The Pope. When he walks in a room, everyone stands, and says hello your Holy Father. THe fifth NCO, an E5, and a woman had said nothing. The SGM asked her about her children. She replied, I only have one child, and she is 23, with a 40 D bust, 23 waist, and 35 hips. When she walks in a room everyone says OOOOOO MY GOD
- Jackie F NJ USAF 1972-75
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The soldiers were on the mend in the Military Hospital. In comes the WAC with the ½ thick glasses into the tent. All 3 in the tent were gigging until one said to her, Mam, mam, why do you have a thermometer on your ear? She in turn replied, ah crap, one of the A-Holes in the other tent has my pencil!
- bob w
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why cant Marines eat M&M's???
they dont know how to peel them!
- R. Salazar
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