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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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The Sergeant at the reception station asks if there are any High School graduates in the group, several men raise their hands. You men stand over here, Then the Sergeant asks if there are any College Graduates, a few more raise their hands. you men stand over there... Then the Sergeant says you men with the College Educations grab the lawn mowers, you men with the High School educations grab the rakes and you men with no education, watch them, you might learn something...
- MIKE SUNDER
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DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS 6 INCHES LONG And 2 INCHES WIDE AND ABSOLUTELY DRIVES WOMEN CRAZY??? ........ PAPER MONEY. C'MON NOW WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
- PVT R.Pease
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US ARMY Backwards- YES MY RETARDED ASS SIGNED UP !
- Nathan Stump
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Islamic terrorist are like King Salmon.... All is good until the Seals come!
- Bob Pease
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Who loves you most: Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for a few hours then let them out...........who will be glad to see you?
- anonymous
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MY UNCLE WHO IS RETIRED FROM THE NAVY WENT OUT ON HIS BOAT WITH TWO MEN AND A WOMAN AND CAME BACK WITH CRABS!
- athwps
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What do the guys shout at iraqi strip shows???
come on baby, show us your face
While I have the chance, god bless you all and god bless america, from Tasmania, Australia.
- MIKE
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Iraq and Afghanistan have the same state bird - DUCK!
- Unknown
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2 CAREER SWABBYS WERE SITTING AT THE BAR. ONE OF THEM SAYS LOOK AT THOSE TWO DRUNKS ACROSS THE BAR, THAT COULD BE US IN 10YRS. THE OTHER GUY SAYS YOU ASSHOLE, THATS A MIRROR !
- don butler
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WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THE BODY ??????
BRAIN says I do all the thinking
BLOOD says I nourish the body
STOMACH saysI process all the food to get ready for nourishment
LEGS says I carry everybody everywhere
RECTUM says I do waste removal
allthe others LAUGHED at the RECTUM.
so the RECTUM shut down tight. Pretty soon the:
BRAIN had wicked headaches.
BLOOD got toxic.
LEGS got wobbly.
STOMACH bloated.
MORAL:
OTHERS DO THE WORK and:
THERE IS AN A$$HOLE IN CHARGE...
- DON BUTLER
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A NAVY CAPTAIN AND HIS WIFE DECIDE TO HIT THE SACK.AFTER THEY ARE SETTLED DOWN,HE STARTS RUBBING HER SHOULDER,WAITING FOR A POSITIVE RESPONCE. SHE SAYS N O T TONIGHT HON,I HAVE A GYNO EXAM TOMORROW AND I WANT TO BE F-R-E-S-H.
THE REJECTED HUSBAND TURNS OVER TO GO TO SLEEP. AFTER A FEW MUNUTES HE TURNS BACK OVER AND GIVES HIS WIFE A TAP ON THE SHOULDER AND ASKS BY CHANCE, YOU DONT HAVE A DENTIST APPOINTMENT TOMORROW DO YOU?
- Don Butler
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Drafting Guys Over 60.
This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier. New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks Im too old to track down terrorists. You cant be older than 42 to join the military. Theyve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldnt be able to join a military unit until youre at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys havent lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. My back hurts! I cant sleep, Im tired and hungry. We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while. An 18-year-old doesnt even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, Im tired and cant sleep and since Im already up, I Mayas well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldnt spill the beans because wed forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. Were used to getting screamed and yelled at and were used to soft food. Weve also developed an appreciation for guns. Weve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. Ive been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. Ive never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. Hes still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasnt figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harms way. Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, which know that their best years are already behind them.
HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50 in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. Theyll have it secured the first night!
Send this to all of your senior friends its in big type so they can read it.
- John Shearer
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Why did the Navy go to the thirteen button jumpsuit? To give all women thirteen chances to say NO.
- Dan Garson
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What do the letters T.G.I.F. stand for on the inside of a Marines boot flap toung?
Toes
Go
In
First
- Apachedoc
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Why do Marines call their blade a K-Bar? Because they cant spell Ka-nife k-nife
- Tsgt USAF67
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