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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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A retired military couple, one an air force lt. colonel and his ever-nagging wife, a navy capitan, were vacationing in the holy land. While there, the wife died. The undertaker told the colonel, you can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can have her buried here in the holy land for just $150. The colonel thought about it and decided to just have her shipped home. Astonished, the undertaker asked why he would pay $5,000 to ship her home when most would jump at the chance to be buried in the holy land and it would only be $150.
The colonel replied, True, but long ago you buried a man here and three days later he rose from the dead. I'm afraid I just can't take that chance...
- Rick Backstrom
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One day 3 (2nd Class, 1st Class & CPO) sailors were walking to the EM club for noon chow. The 2nd class saw something nice and shinny floating in the water next to a pier. He reaches down to retrieve it and it was an AladdinÂ’s Lamp. When the lamp finally dried out a Genie popped and says I grant each one of you 1 wish. The 2nd class went first and wished for "to have no need for money for the rest of my life" Poof the Genie sent him to a deserted island. The 1st class went next. I wish for "To live in Hawaii & be rich for the rest of my life". Poof he sent him to Hawaii with a never ending bank account. Now it was the chiefs turn and I wish for "what ever the first 2 wished for, I want them back on the ship by 1300 hours.
- Joe Dutton
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One day, years ago, my mother and I were walking together toward the library at Fort Lee, Virginia. We were about to cross an alleyway, when we were surprised by an Army truck coming toward us at a fast clip. Mother and I jumped back out of the way. The driver, an Army Sgt., slowed the truck down, leaned out the window, and said to my mother, "Don't worry, I wouldn't hit you -- there's too much paperwork in it.
- Skipper Joy Wolters
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A SFC PURCHESED A NEW SPORTS CAR AND HAD TO TRY IT OUT.AT 140 MPH HE SPOTED A RED LIGHT BEHIND HIM. WHAT THE HECK HE CAN CATCH ME SO HE SPEEDED UP TO 160 MPH. THE POLICE OFFICER WAS RIGHT ON HIS BUMPER. MY WHAT AM I DOING? SO HE PULLED OVER. THE OFFICER CAN TO THE CAR AND SAID "WHAT A DAY, IF YOU CAN GIVE ME AN EXCUSE I HAVE NOT HEARD I'LL LET YOU GO WITH A TICKET. THE SFC THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT THEN SAID" A COP RAN OFF WITH MY WIFE 2 DAYS AGO AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO RETURN HER.
- bill wesley
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How did they come up with that "Marine Green" color you see on all the marine uniforms?
Answer Navy Blue with a little "yellow"
- Jim Bigley
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Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets Forrest at the Pearly Gates and Says, "Forrest, welcome to heaven. Things have recently changed and now everyone has to answer three questions to get into heaven.
Forrest says, thank you Saint Peter for welcoming me into heaven. I will answer your three questions. Saint Peter says, OK, here they are. The first question, how many days of the week begin with the letter T? The second question, how many seconds are there in a year? The third question, what is God's first name? Saint Peter then tells Forrest that he can come back later and reveal his answers. So, Forrest leaves to think about the answers. The next day Forrest comes back and again meets Saint Peter at the Gate. Saint Peter says, So, Forrest, do you have the answers? Forrest gleams, absolutely! Saint Peter says how many days of the week begin with the letter T? Forrest says that one is easy, today and tomorrow. Saint Peter says, well, thats not exactly the answer I was looking for, however, you are right. The next question, how many seconds are there in a year? Forrest says that one is even easier. 12. Saint Peter steps back and says 12? How in the world did you come up with that answer? Easy says Forrest, 2nd of January, 2nd of February..... OK says Saint Peter, I got it. Again you are correct. Now, says Saint Peter, what is God's first name. Oh, Says Forrest, that was the easiest. Oh really says Saint Peter whats your answer. Forrest replies- Andy. How ever did you come up with Andy, replies Saint Peter? Easy says Forrest. Forrest starts singing- And he walks with me and he talks with me and he tells me I am his own. Saint Peter throws open the gates and yells- RUN FORREST RUN
- Dan Hilbert
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This sailor was on Liberty in San Diego and got picked up by the Police for being drunk and for vagrancy. The Cop took him off to the Night Court Judge.
The judge reviewed the case and said to the sailor, "I can understand you getting arrested for being drunk but for vagrancy, I find that hard to believe. I know that your Commanding Office would have made sure you had money before you left the ship. Would you like to explain to me just what you done with your money?"
The sailor said, "Well you see your Honor, I spent most of it on Wine, Women and Song." I just wasted the rest of it."
The judge reviewed the case and said to the sailor, "I can understand you getting arrested for being drunk but for vagrancy, I find that hard to believe. I know that your Commanding Office would have made sure you had money before you left the ship. Would you like to explain to me just what you done with your money?"
The sailor said, "Well you see your Honor, I spent most of it on Wine, Women and Song." I just wasted the rest of it."
- H. E Butler
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This guy retires from the navy and gets a civilian job and his boss noticed that he was late a lot. Then one day as the guy walked in late his boss asked him "what would your co-workers have said to you in your last job if you showed up late" the guy thinks for a bit and replies” good morning admiral"
- leland
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