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MILITARY JOKES
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Two marines were securely dug in their foxhole which happened to be only 30 feet away from three VC who were securely dug in as well. No matter how they try to shot-up each side, no one is getting hit. One marine thought of a strategy to attract the enemy out in the open . He whispered to his buddy to give him a common or famous Vietnamese name. Nguyen he whispered back. Cover me he said and then hollered,
Hey Nguyen! A VC head popped out and replied Yah POW! I got one, his buddy counted. Try again. Hey Nguyen! Another VC head popped out, Yah POW! I got two now, his buddy claimed. Try again. So the Marine called out .Hey Nguyen! No response this time. The Marine called out again and louder and still no response from the third VC. Well, the VC somehow figured out the treachery and he called out Hey Bob. No response from the Marines. Hey Jack, no response, Hey John Nothing. In desperation, the VC called out, Hey Joe . Is that you Nguyen? Yah! POW.
Hey Nguyen! A VC head popped out and replied Yah POW! I got one, his buddy counted. Try again. Hey Nguyen! Another VC head popped out, Yah POW! I got two now, his buddy claimed. Try again. So the Marine called out .Hey Nguyen! No response this time. The Marine called out again and louder and still no response from the third VC. Well, the VC somehow figured out the treachery and he called out Hey Bob. No response from the Marines. Hey Jack, no response, Hey John Nothing. In desperation, the VC called out, Hey Joe . Is that you Nguyen? Yah! POW.
- Gus DeGuzman
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Two marines were securely dug in their foxhole which happened to be only 30 feet away from three VC who were securely dug in as well. No matter how they try to shot-up each side, no one is getting hit. One marine thought of a strategy to attract the enemy out in the open . He whispered to his buddy to give him a common or famous Vietnamese name. Nguyen he whispered back. Cover me he said and then hollered,
Hey Nguyen! A VC head popped out and replied Yah POW! I got one, his buddy counted. Try again. Hey Nguyen! Another VC head popped out, Yah POW! I got two now, his buddy claimed. Try again. So the Marine called out
.Hey Nguyen! No response this time. The Marine called out again and louder and still no response from the third VC. Well, the VC somehow figured out the treachery and he called out Hey Bob. No response from the Marines. Hey Jack, no response, Hey John Nothing. In desperation, the VC called out, Hey Joe
. Is that you Nguyen? Yah! POW.
- Gus DeGuzman
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While watching an air show at an air-to-ground an F-16 fired its mini-gun at a ground target. The guy who was with me kind of jumped and said, " what was that". I replied, " its the air brakes, their slipping". On my honor, this is a true story.
- geezer
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When we arrived at one of our overseas locations to begin a three month plus tour, the crew already in place would return to our home base. We always received a lot of ragging from them because they were going back to their families and the stateside conveniences, whereas we faced months of separation and spartan facilities.
But, in spite of the teasing, we were good sports and helped them pack and get out of our way.
Every crew member, without exception, had a bag of dirty laundry (the last few days of a deployment were always wall-to-wall parties, leaving no time for laundry). It may be only one change of clothing, but still there was always the bag.
While helping the departing crew, we would slip a pair of women's panties or a bra, or a lipstick stained shirt (all of which we had brought with us) into their laundry bag!
The ragging and teasing we got was nothing compared to the grilling they got from their wives and girlfriends when the laundry bags were opened back home!!
But, in spite of the teasing, we were good sports and helped them pack and get out of our way.
Every crew member, without exception, had a bag of dirty laundry (the last few days of a deployment were always wall-to-wall parties, leaving no time for laundry). It may be only one change of clothing, but still there was always the bag.
While helping the departing crew, we would slip a pair of women's panties or a bra, or a lipstick stained shirt (all of which we had brought with us) into their laundry bag!
The ragging and teasing we got was nothing compared to the grilling they got from their wives and girlfriends when the laundry bags were opened back home!!
- Bruce Bailey
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A part of the RB-47 preflight ritual was chinning on each engine and looking into it. The pilots usually checked the two outboard engines, which did not require chinning themselves. They let (made) the younger, more agile copilots do the chins and check the other four engines. One day, a new copilot confessed to the old AC that he had no idea what he was looking for when inspecting the engines. The Old Head told him he wasnt looking for anything, he was checking for echoes. He was told to shout Yoo Hoo into each engine and listen for an echo. If he got one, it was a bad engine. For a while (until they got smarter) you could hear YOO HOOs coming from all over the ramp and see new copilots hanging from engine intakes. That came to be known as the Yoo Hoo Check.
- Bruce bailey
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We were stopped at a traffic light on the road leading from the air base to the highway into the city. When the light changed, the woman at the head of the line attempted to go, but her car had somehow slipped out of gear. She raced the engine furiously, trying to make the car go. An old Line Chief in the car behind her hung his head out the window and hollered, "That ain't no airplane, lady, you gotta put it in gear, the fan won't pull it.
- Bruce Bailey
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Riding shotgun in a tanker, two Vietnamese on a bike, along side of us,one had a hand grenade which I thought he was to throw on top of tanker, shoot the S.O.B. but no clip in my M14,turns out they where South Vietnamese soldiers,there lucky day.......
- Roy Ralston
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Any time two or more GIs get together the promotion system will enter the conversation, as everyone has a gripe about the system and a fix for it. The best I ever heard came from one of the Crows, he said, "Everyone should come into the Air Force as a full colonel and be allowed to sink to their own level."
- Bruce Bailey
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The corporal at the Motor Pool received a call one day demanding the delivery of a Jeep.
"Sorry, man", said the Corporal, "the last Jeep went out yesterday to Sgt. Fat-Ass McGinty."
The voice on the phone said, "Do you know who this is?"
"No, man," said the Corporal.
"Well this is Sgt. McGinty."
After a moment, the Corporal asked, "Do you know who this is?"
McGinty replied, "No, I don't."
Said the Corporal before hanging up, "Bye-bye, Fat-Ass!"
"Sorry, man", said the Corporal, "the last Jeep went out yesterday to Sgt. Fat-Ass McGinty."
The voice on the phone said, "Do you know who this is?"
"No, man," said the Corporal.
"Well this is Sgt. McGinty."
After a moment, the Corporal asked, "Do you know who this is?"
McGinty replied, "No, I don't."
Said the Corporal before hanging up, "Bye-bye, Fat-Ass!"
- TV-Man
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What's the fastest way to get in a foxhole? Lift up it's tail. Cpl. D. L. Denniss M Baty, 4th Bn. 12th Marine 3ed Mar-Div. Viet-nam 68/69 (We were winning when I left)
- Cpl. Denny
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Several years ago, we were returning to the west coast from Florida in one of our units passenger aircraft. Since I was a flight crew member, I was wearing a flight suit. While standing at the back door of the aircraft awaiting takeoff, an 82 Airborne Chaplin came up the ramp. He was hitching a ride with us. As soon as he saw my flight suit, he asked where his parachute was. I, very straight faced, explained to him that we didn't carry parachutes, but he kept insisting that he wanted a parachute. About that time our copilot walked by, and I told him about the Chaplin's request. The copilot turned to the chaplin and said in a very serious sounding voice:, "Sir, In the Air Force, we believe that airplanes are to fly in, not jump out of." The Chaplin very quietly went into the aircraft and found a seat.
- Ed Smith
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"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your
unit." -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
"Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Canuck
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If you take Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, both up in a C-130 and drop them simultaneously from 10,000 feet, without parachutes~~ Which one will hit the ground first?
Who cares !
Who cares !
- N Massey
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An amry SGT was leading his platoon when he spotted a marine standing at parade rest on top of a hill. He said to the nearest PVT in his platoon, "Bring me that marine." The private took off running and at the same time the marine took off running and they met in some woods that were between them. There was silence and then the marine ran back up on top of the hill and returned to his original stance. The private never returned. The SGT was pissed and sent two more privates tell them to bring him that marine immediately because he wanted to know what the hell was going on. The privates ran toward the marine and the marine ran towards the privates and they met in the woods. This time there was the sound of a slight scuffle and then silence and the marine returned to his original position. The SGT was infuriated because his privates had not returned and sent the entire platoon after that marine and again the marine met them in the woods. This time there was a scuffle and a scream heard then silence and the marine walked up the hill and returned to his original position with his uniform slightly wrinkled and it was about this time that one of the PVTs came crawling out of the woods and when he reached the SGT he said, "Sorry, Sir, there was an ambush...there were two of them."
- James M. former USMC
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Sgt, Said the 2nd Lt. on the Firing range, "If I don't Qualify" will it keep me from going to Iraq "No Sir" Said the Instructer, BUT, "It Might Keep You From Coming Home, SIR"
- Bob Gwin
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