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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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Today's Veteran's Day senior citizen salute to our military goes to 80 year old Maudie Frigate who's torpedoes have officially reached her navel base.
- Super Dave
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what would you get if you dropped a piano on an army officer? a flat major
- alexandra
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How do you get an 80 year old Vet to use the "F" Word - Have another 80 year old Vet holler "BINGO".
- J Alexander
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What goes all over the world but only stays in one corner? A:a stamp(you deliver a envelope all over the world, and the stamp stays in the corner of the envelope.)
- angie tan
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What creature has more lives than a cat? It's a frog. You see, they croak every night.
- Elizabeth Clemens
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Q: What's long, hard and full of semen? A: A submarine
- Andrew
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General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that damned sniper?" The sergeant looked down at the general and replied: "I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot."
- Sergeant Emmanuel Velayo
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two sargeants were talking about getting vd one asks what is vd? vd is a desease of the private, the other one said no sweat we's sargeants!
- MARK TIERNEY
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Three kinds of Rings when getting married. Engagement Ring; Wedding Ring Ring.
and Suffer Ring for GI Joe.
- Ric
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3 marines walking on a side walk see a large pile of brown matter. One scoops some of it up in his hand and says, it feels like shit. The other picks some up and puts it in his mouth and says, it tastes like shit. The last marine picks some up and puts it to his nose and says, it smells like shit. The trio walks happily away and say, good thing we didnt step in it.
- Michael Pike
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Q: Why doesnt he navy allow strippers on submarines?
A: In combat the lights go red!
- Mr E.
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True story, not a joke but funny anyway. I was on the Independence during my squadrons carquals. We were out in Hampton Roads in the middle of a storm that caused flight ops to be secured. I didnt know that carriers had expansion joints until I walked down a passageway and saw an old salty chief sitting on a stool with a bag of English walnuts beside him. As the expansion joints moved back and forth, the old chief would put a walnut in the crack and when the joint closed it would crack the walnut and hed catch the remains and put them in another sack on his other side. that chief had more time in the chow line than I had in my entre Navy career. But it proved that if you wanted a difficult task done, ask an old slaty chief how to do it.
- Forrest Wilson
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I was on an advance party for our air assault combat infantry unit checking out the logistics for our upcoming mission. As a Sergeant, I had to go around and make sure that my troops were settled in. While doing so a Corporal whom had heard about my promotion decided to offer me some advice. My First Sergeant had silently and unknowingly come up behind the Corporal while he was talking. The Corporal said Sergeant, you have to be careful about making rank. The weight of your rank insignias start pulling down on your collar and cutting of the blood circulation to your brain. That is why First Sergeants are so retarded. I think he is still doing push-ups!
- Steven Smelden
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What does the army stand for Airforce Rejected Me Yesterday
- Dillon Evans
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While on duty in Vietnam. the news came on over the armed forces radio.
The news reporter said the time for the ARMY & AIR FORCE was 18 hundred hours. For the NAVY that would be six bells. For civilians it was six PM and for the Marines, the little hand is on the six and the big hand is on the twelve.
- the last stand
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