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MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
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A crusty navy chief just retired and was looking for a job in the civilian industry. He came across an ad from the Hotel Astor, they were looking for a driver to transport people from the Pennsylvania Railroad Station to the hotel. The Chief applied for the job and they explained to him what his job would entail, and instructed him that when people started getting off the train, he would be required to yell in a loud voice.....FREE BUS TO THE HOTEL ASTOR. While driving to the train station, he kept repeating to himself, ...FREE BUS TO THE HOTEL ASTOR, he didnt want to mess it up and lose his job on the first day. Upon arrival of the first train, a huge crowd of people started getting off the train, the driver suddenly became very excited and jumped out of the bus snd started yelling lowdly,....FREE ASS AT THE HOTEL BUSTER....i mean ...FREE HOTEL AT THE BUST YOUR ASTOR.....i mean ...BUST YOUR ASS AT THE HOTEL FREEZER.....i mean....FREEZE YOUR ASS AT THE HOTEL BASTARD.....imean....FREE HOTEL ASS BUSTER....i mean .... KISS MY ASS YOU BASTARDS AND TAKE A STREET CAR,.....I QUIT
- Gene Newsome
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An Airman was standing trial for calling a 2d Lt. a Dumb S.O.B. The judge told the Airman that it was degrading to call a 2d Lt a Dumb S.O.B., and the Airman replied, if thats so, is it okay to call an S.O.B. a 2d Lt.?
- Rod Chock, USAF Ret
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For years the Army and Navy have been the brunt of jokes. They decided to have a football game. The winner would have no jokes told about them. The loser would have all jokes told of them. The game went on, tearing up the middle of the field. No one even got close to scoring. A train went by and blew its wistle. the Army thought it was the end of the game and went home. 3 plays later the Navy missed a field goal.
- Mike Sapelak
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When I was stationed at Nellingen Barracks, Germany, one of our 1LT?s VW Bug blew a fan belt. But I wasn?t aware of this until I walked out of Admin just after that wonderful 5pm music had played, offered a salute and an added comment that went something like this: ?What?s the matter Sir, your rubber band break?? He returned the salute, gritting his teeth and withholding a sarcastic remark with great fortitude. However, he wasn?t as dumb as some LTs I?ve seen. He got a 2LT to make the repairs!
- Mike
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This sailor walks into this bar in Colorado, and asks the bartender, Do you have any grog? No, I dont have any grog, says the bartender. o.k., says the sailor.He then leaves.
Now on the second day, the sailor walks into the bar and asks the bartender, Do you have any grog? Again, the bartender says to the sailor, No we dont have any grog.
So sailor leaves.
On the third day , the sailor walks into the bar and asks the bartender, Do you have any grog?
Where upon the bartender says to the sailor, Listen, Bub! You have been coming in here every afternoon asking about grog, and every afternoon, I have been telling you We have no grog!. Now---if you come in here--one more time and ask about grog... I am going to nail your lips to this bar! Have you got that?, he said. Yes, said the sailor.
Several days go by... and then the sailor shows up at the bar again.
Do you have any nails? asks the sailor.
No, we dont have any nails. said the bartender.
Then, do you have any grog?
- HM1 Michael OConnor
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The Marines are looking for a few good men, The FBI are looking for the rest.
- gary
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An old, blind soldier wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels ..
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, G I, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. Im a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Soldier, Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind dogface thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, No .... not if Im gonna have to explain it five times
- Billy Bingham
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A reporter doing research on LONGEVITY, stopped at an old soldiers home. He saw an old vet sitting on a bench and asked him, Sir how old are you? Im 99 yrs. old. Wow said the reporter, and what do you attribute your old age too? Well, replied the old vet, I dont smoke, I dont drink, I dont stay out all late at nights and I dont do women. Well you seemed to have led a clean life, long live said the reporter. Down the row a bit sat another vet,. He looked even older than the 99 yrs. old he had just interviewed. And you sir, what do you attribute your old age too? I smoke, I drink, I stay out late at nights, and I do women. Hmm, sounds reasonable. How old are you? t-h-I-r-t-y n-I-n-e, says the vet.
- Rod HK
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Two B52 tail gunners walk out of a bar,yeah I know but it could happen.
- PDBURNS
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Two Navy Men were fishing on lake on Sunday . One says:I FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT GOING TO CHURCH , TODAY ! Other one says I DONT , BECAUSE MY WIFE IS REAL SICK AND I COULDNT HAVE GONE , ANYHOW !
- Bruce FORSYTH
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True story...
I and a marine were discussing which service was better, Navy or Marine. Someone walked by and said we ought to get along as we were essentially the same service. My.marine buddy said we get along great, like brothers and sisters, to.which I responded that we were just arguing over who was the brother, and who was the sister.
- jack
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What do you call someone who gets ran over by a tank?
A: a crunchy
- Chris
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U.S.M.C. = Uncle Sams Misguided Children
- Chuck
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Several junior Marine officers were having a vigorous discussion about whether sex was fun or work. They were at an standstill and one of the officers observed a Private emptying office trash cans and said to his fellow officers: Lets get the Privates opinion. Hey Private, is sex fun or work?
Sir! Sex is fun, if it was work the officers would have the enlisted doing it!
- Doc
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The Marines pronounce their motto wrong. It isnt Semper Fi, because they are so fat, its really Shrimp and Fries.
- norm oleesky
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