Already have an account? Sign In.
MILITARY JOKES
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! Click on the Star to like any jokes you find. If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
Sort Jokes By
| Most Recent | Rank |
One night two stationed men were sleeping in the field, and the one man woke up and said to the other Seargent, "Look up and tell me what you see?"
So the man woke up, still groggy, looked up and said, "stars." So the other man said, "what does that mean to you?"
The seargent replied, "Its going to be nice out tommorow???"
Then in return he asked, "What does it mean to you." The man replied with "It means that somebody stole our tent!"
So the man woke up, still groggy, looked up and said, "stars." So the other man said, "what does that mean to you?"
The seargent replied, "Its going to be nice out tommorow???"
Then in return he asked, "What does it mean to you." The man replied with "It means that somebody stole our tent!"
- Michelle
|
|||
Do you know the fastest way to get out of a game of bingo in Iraq?
Shout out B52!
- Chris L
|
|||
While on active duty in the late 60's serving in Germany, I had occasion to sit on a promotion board interviewing candidates for promotion to E6.
One candidate was of European origin, German I think.
At one point during the interview, an interviewer asked: "Sgt. what is a LEADER?
The candidate pondered the question for a few moments and replied, "Vell sir, it's a little more than a quart."
One candidate was of European origin, German I think.
At one point during the interview, an interviewer asked: "Sgt. what is a LEADER?
The candidate pondered the question for a few moments and replied, "Vell sir, it's a little more than a quart."
- George Mundis
|
|||
Way, way back in the 1950's while stationed at NAS Quonset Point, Rhode Island, I along with others had the duty of running up all the aircraft on the flight line on a daily basis.
The day most vivid in my memory occurred during one of these flight line days. The first airplane I turned up was an F4U Corsair, a World War II vintage fighter. After performing the run-up procedures, I shut down the engine, rolled the canopy back and stood by pushing myself up with some force on the arm rests.
The next was an AD, Skyraider, a very large singe engine dive bomber. Following the same procedures, I slid the canopy back and stood as I did with the Corsair.
Next on the list a TBM Avenger another World War II veteran this one a torpedo bomber. Same thing all over again with one difference. When I pushed on the arm rests to stand, I had forgotten the cockpit was an enclosure supported by a heavy aluminum overhead support beam.
The only thing between that beam and my head was my white hat!
It wasn't enough...It still hurts.
The day most vivid in my memory occurred during one of these flight line days. The first airplane I turned up was an F4U Corsair, a World War II vintage fighter. After performing the run-up procedures, I shut down the engine, rolled the canopy back and stood by pushing myself up with some force on the arm rests.
The next was an AD, Skyraider, a very large singe engine dive bomber. Following the same procedures, I slid the canopy back and stood as I did with the Corsair.
Next on the list a TBM Avenger another World War II veteran this one a torpedo bomber. Same thing all over again with one difference. When I pushed on the arm rests to stand, I had forgotten the cockpit was an enclosure supported by a heavy aluminum overhead support beam.
The only thing between that beam and my head was my white hat!
It wasn't enough...It still hurts.
- Lee Jordan
|
|||
During the 60's, I was stationed at NAS Norfolk, Va. One day some buddies and I had gone to the local gedunk to grab a coffee and sandwich. As we were leaving the gedunk to return to work, we were walking behind 3 officers, 2 Lt. j. g.'s and an ensign.
Approaching from the opposite direction were 4 Chief Petty Officers, 3 of whom were Master Chiefs with 6 or less hashmarks each, and a crusty older E-7 with gold hashmarks that ended at his lower chevron.
The 3 Master CPO's rendered snappy salutes to the junior officers, while the crusty old chief merely nodded, which immediately resulted in an attempted reprimand from the ensign. The ensign, very red-faced, was attempting to reprimand the old chief while my buddies and I stood behind and watched and listened.
The ensign asked the older chief, "Chief, don't you know you are supposed to salute all officers you meet?", to which the chief (much shorter than the ensign), merely reached up, patted the ensign on the arm and replied:
"Sonny, why don't you go back to the Q tonight and write and tell your mother that you actually talked to a real sailor today..."
Gotta love those salty old chief petty officers. True story.
Approaching from the opposite direction were 4 Chief Petty Officers, 3 of whom were Master Chiefs with 6 or less hashmarks each, and a crusty older E-7 with gold hashmarks that ended at his lower chevron.
The 3 Master CPO's rendered snappy salutes to the junior officers, while the crusty old chief merely nodded, which immediately resulted in an attempted reprimand from the ensign. The ensign, very red-faced, was attempting to reprimand the old chief while my buddies and I stood behind and watched and listened.
The ensign asked the older chief, "Chief, don't you know you are supposed to salute all officers you meet?", to which the chief (much shorter than the ensign), merely reached up, patted the ensign on the arm and replied:
"Sonny, why don't you go back to the Q tonight and write and tell your mother that you actually talked to a real sailor today..."
Gotta love those salty old chief petty officers. True story.
- tony hutcheson
|
|||
I JUST JOINED THE A.N.G. THIS WAS ONLY MY SECOND DRILL I HAVE EVER BEEN TO. AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD EVER HUNG OUT WITH MY UNIT.
WELL MY SENIOR MASTER SGT. IS DIGGING THROUGH HIS DESK AND PULLS OUT THIS TOY STORY DOLL (COWBOY WOODY)
SO WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY LET SLIP FROM MY LIPS (ME BEING THE ONLY FEMALE IN THE PLACE)....
WHY DO YOU HAVE A WOODY?" THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO AND THEY HAVE YET TO LET ME LIVE IT DOWN.
WELL MY SENIOR MASTER SGT. IS DIGGING THROUGH HIS DESK AND PULLS OUT THIS TOY STORY DOLL (COWBOY WOODY)
SO WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY LET SLIP FROM MY LIPS (ME BEING THE ONLY FEMALE IN THE PLACE)....
WHY DO YOU HAVE A WOODY?" THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO AND THEY HAVE YET TO LET ME LIVE IT DOWN.
- Marisa
|
|||
Stationed in Korea a man came up to me and said:
"Buy my Bike 5 Dollar!"
I responded with a simple and calm, "No."
He then said, "Buy My Bike 1 Dollar!"
I said No.
The man then looked one way as the military police showed up around the corner of the market and said: "Take the Bike it's Free!!!"
The Military police then arrested the Korean man for stealing a bike.
I responded with a simple and calm, "No."
He then said, "Buy My Bike 1 Dollar!"
I said No.
The man then looked one way as the military police showed up around the corner of the market and said: "Take the Bike it's Free!!!"
The Military police then arrested the Korean man for stealing a bike.
- Ty Moore
|
|||
I was stationed in Yuma, Az in the 60's with Crash Crew and we had a CO that liked to have late night early morning training drills.
One night, about 2 am the alarm went off that there was a fire at the end of Runway 21L and I was the crew chief on a MB-5 with 3 other guys. I went to the truck and saw my handline guys putting on their Nomex gear and my turret guy was in the truck... so off we went to the fire.
Well, it turned out to be a training fire and as I'm sitting in the truck I noticed that only one guy was on the Handline. Well nobody noticed and so when we were mopping up and getting ready to go in I asked the handline man where his partner was and he said he had no clue.
So I immediately backtracked the way we came and in the middle of the taxiway their was a silver nomex suit...with the missing man in it.
I stopped the truck and was picking him up and I asked him what happened and he said, when I slowed down to go around a curve, he thought I was stopping... "So he stepped off the back."
The problem was I was still going about 30 miles an hour!
One night, about 2 am the alarm went off that there was a fire at the end of Runway 21L and I was the crew chief on a MB-5 with 3 other guys. I went to the truck and saw my handline guys putting on their Nomex gear and my turret guy was in the truck... so off we went to the fire.
Well, it turned out to be a training fire and as I'm sitting in the truck I noticed that only one guy was on the Handline. Well nobody noticed and so when we were mopping up and getting ready to go in I asked the handline man where his partner was and he said he had no clue.
So I immediately backtracked the way we came and in the middle of the taxiway their was a silver nomex suit...with the missing man in it.
I stopped the truck and was picking him up and I asked him what happened and he said, when I slowed down to go around a curve, he thought I was stopping... "So he stepped off the back."
The problem was I was still going about 30 miles an hour!
- Joe Cowles
|
|||
Did you hear the French army will never surrender again?
The white flag factory burned down!
The white flag factory burned down!
- robert gilmore
|
|||
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
This was followed by an American saying: "So did you mate, if it hadn't been for us, you'd be speaking German."
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
This was followed by an American saying: "So did you mate, if it hadn't been for us, you'd be speaking German."
- Phillip M. Johnson
|
|||
Two army second lieutenants were standing on a corner together. All of a sudden, a dog came over to one of them, lifted his leg and urinated on him.
The soldier turned to the other officer and said, "I wonder how he knew I was a 2nd Lt??"
The soldier turned to the other officer and said, "I wonder how he knew I was a 2nd Lt??"
- Ron Turcot
|
|||
One morning at Ft. Ord California I called the Battery Commander to let him know my wife was having a baby and that I would be a little late because I had to take her to the post hospital. He said it was no problem.
As I went into the orderly room, the new first Sgt. who had just been transferred from a basic training outfit, began to chew on my ear for being late. I started to explain, "I called the Captain and told him."
He stopped me short and yelled, "You didn't tell the captain anything, you asked him!"
A Brig. General and a couple of majors were standing near by. I said, "You are absolutely right. I called the Captain and asked him if my wife was having a baby and if I was going to be late this morning?" And the captain said, "OK."
The General replied," WOW, Sarg. you should be an officer."
The Sgt.'s face turned a bright pink as the officers laughed for a good five minutes.
As I went into the orderly room, the new first Sgt. who had just been transferred from a basic training outfit, began to chew on my ear for being late. I started to explain, "I called the Captain and told him."
He stopped me short and yelled, "You didn't tell the captain anything, you asked him!"
A Brig. General and a couple of majors were standing near by. I said, "You are absolutely right. I called the Captain and asked him if my wife was having a baby and if I was going to be late this morning?" And the captain said, "OK."
The General replied," WOW, Sarg. you should be an officer."
The Sgt.'s face turned a bright pink as the officers laughed for a good five minutes.
- Calvin Langford
|
|||
It was the day before graduation in Boot Camp in the Marines in San Diego. The Company Commander decided to have a surprise inspection at one of the top companies on the base.
He pulled up in his car with two MP's and walked to the first group marching toward him. The platoon halted at attention.
The CO then asked one recruit, "Where are you from?"
The recruit replied, "I'm a rebel from Georgia."
The Co then asked him, "What is the eleventh general order!"
To which the recruit replies, "I will walk my post in a military manner, and I will take no S#$& from a Company Commander!"
He pulled up in his car with two MP's and walked to the first group marching toward him. The platoon halted at attention.
The CO then asked one recruit, "Where are you from?"
The recruit replied, "I'm a rebel from Georgia."
The Co then asked him, "What is the eleventh general order!"
To which the recruit replies, "I will walk my post in a military manner, and I will take no S#$& from a Company Commander!"
- Roy Ozan
|
|||
While I was in basic training, one of the trainees was unpacking her civilian clothing. As the DI came by, he looked at her items which contained lacy undergarments , sun tan lotion, swimsuits,and dainty frilly summer dresses.
The DI looked at her and asked, "Did your recruiter not tell you where you were going?" She replied, "Ohh, he definitely did!"
Then he yelled in a loud booming voice, "This is Fort Leonard Wood, not Ft. Lauderdale!!!"
The DI looked at her and asked, "Did your recruiter not tell you where you were going?" She replied, "Ohh, he definitely did!"
Then he yelled in a loud booming voice, "This is Fort Leonard Wood, not Ft. Lauderdale!!!"
- Karen
|
|||
My dad was in the Marine Corps. I remember he was put on bathroom duty and he had to clean the bathroom. Well every Thursday, this guy that was of higher rank than he, would use the bathroom when they were done.
So one Thursday, my dad and his friends lifted the toilet seat and put ketchup and mustard packets under the toilet seat.
When the guy went to sit down, ketchup and mustard squirted all over the place including his pants!!!
So one Thursday, my dad and his friends lifted the toilet seat and put ketchup and mustard packets under the toilet seat.
When the guy went to sit down, ketchup and mustard squirted all over the place including his pants!!!
- Lindsey
|
|||
Flag Joke
Please let us know why you believe this joke is inappropriate and we'll look into it.
Edit Your Joke
Explore VetFriends.com
Click on a section to see all of VetFriends.com's Features.